RAW Choice Cut: The Beatles - "Yesterday"
No magic happens here. Just lots of thinking aloud.
"All I need is time. A moment that is mine. While I'm in between." - Britney Spears
"You only get to be young once." One of those statements that you hear all the time, but you never place any stock in it until something happens to make you do so. I really dislike working. I think (read: know) its because my job sucks in all types of ways possible, but at the same time I think it's because I know I'm wasting away what will become "the good ole days" working a job I have no business working. Even though I've already lost seven months of my life that I will never get back, I have learned one very important lesson. Don't rush life. While and after I get my MBA, I'm definitely going to take some time off for myself. I'll do things like meet new people. See the country, better yet - the world. That way I'll be sure I'll be able to create some stories that I won't tell my kids until they're at least 18. Not that I don't have enough of those already…
"I, I feel so alive. For the very first time…and I think I can fly." - P.O.D.
As most of you know, I had to work First Shift for a couple of weeks at work. Well after my "tour of duty in hell" I came back to second shift and was greeted with something I didn't expect - hugs and handshakes. Now yes, I'll bitch and moan about how much I hate my job, but I treat my employees well (well, I try to). I dunno which was nicer; to know that I was missed or the warm embraces. Everyone loves a good hug every now and then. I know I do.
"That was a wonderful remark. I had my eyes closed in the dark." - Van Morrison
Speaking of hugs, this is a fine time for me to comment on what might be one of the greatest hugs I've ever gotten. May 31, 2004 was the day. I remember it because it was my last day as a "free man." Anyways, I was sleeping on Eric's couch in Lightsey when a young lady named Kelly Triana (I think that's her last name) came in. She's a Neo-Ambassador, so she's almost family. Anyways, she came in and woke me up (which normally is grounds for decapitation) and said that she wanted to say bye before I left and thanks for adding a little something to her summer. That my friends, was cool. I dunno if it was the fact that I was awoken by a pretty girl with a hug or the fact that it was one of the last positive gestures I would get before getting kicked in the ass daily, but either way it holds a special place in my memory.
"You know curtain climbers, rugrats, tricycle motors…" - Toby Keith
The other night I went down to the country for the yearly Polk Family Christmas Eve shindig. It was business as usual - catching up, good food, and the exchanging of presents. Well anyways, we get to talking and as always, they ask me how work is, how I'm [not] enjoying the real world, etc. when the conversation takes a U-Turn. "So how long before little Terence comes along?" And like myself, my family doesn't want any girls - they want…wait, lemme rephrase that, NEED boys. I guess when you're the last male in the family lineage, people expect a lot from you. Apparently I'm supposed to be married, have a good job, and produce a boy within the next five years. Great. No pressure. No pressure at all.
In other life news, as part of my daily routine to get mentally prepared for a day at work (which mainly consists of lots of cursing and a couple listens of "No Chance In Hell (Satanic Remix)") I listen to "Everybody's Free (The Sunscreen Song)" by Baz Luhrmann. Yeah, that same song that came out when we were Juniors in High School. It's amazing, but if you give it a listen now there's a lot of lines in there that make complete sense and hold a bit more meaning now that I'm older…
· "Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; Oh nevermind; you will not understand the power of beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at the photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked"
· "Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday."
· "Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't"
· "Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone." (oh there's days when I miss my knees so, so, sooooo much)
· "Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future."
There are two lines in particular I wanna "touch base" on real quick tho…
"Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young."
This holds a bit more meaning now that I've graduated college, but there are times when I miss my high school friends. I think out of all my high school friends, there's only about 5 (Denny, Cobby, Rachel, Bradley, & Tyrell) that I regularly keep up with and feel genuinely close to. I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss knowing what some of the rest are up to. Kinda interesting in that the people you were tight with 5 years prior, you now have little to no clue what they're up to now.
"Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out."
This might be a "Piddy"-esque moment, but if I hear one more girl say they want to be a housewife and mean it, I might just give up the female side of the species. It's one thing to say "I wouldn't mind it" or to become a housewife if it's necessary to the well-being of the family (necessary does NOT mean having kids - necessary is like having kids with no arms or legs) but to have that be a life aspiration is just downright foolish. Maybe I'm saying this because I'm a firm believer in my wife having to work. She's got to do SOMETHING. I don't care how much I bring home, she's got to get out and at least provide supplemental income. Same thing goes for me if I marry a woman who makes more than I do. Mom always says, "be sure you look for a woman who is about something. One who doesn't mind working and one who has goals for herself. Get tied up in one without either, you'll regret it later."
Song of the Paragraph: Mono - "Life In Mono"
There are where days where I go, "yep. Life's at a stalemate." Not much has changed too much in the past few months. Nothing looks to be changing for the next few months either. I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but considering I'm one who likes something different every now and then, I'll lean towards the latter.
"Now it is silver and silent. It is silver and cold…" - A.F.I.
And one last bit of ironic news before I close… If you read my last entry about one particular young lady and found it interesting (which apparently a lot of ya'll did, I'm still answering IMs about that one), you might find it interesting that she's the same person who gave me the "ornament" I spoke of in RAW 16. Anyways, I was cleaning out my car the other day and I came across it. Apparently the sun had its way with it. What was once a nice, bright golden color now has a dull silver hue to it. To be honest, it hurt a little bit. Dunno if it was because I was reflecting back on what I had written, or because I now had a physical manifestation of it…
Saturday, December 25, 2004
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
26 October - 16 November 2004
RAW Choice Cut: The Platters - "The Great Pretender"
Man, it's been forever since I've written one of these. Anyways, there are times that the only way you can silence the demons is by slaying them head on…
"Tis better to burn out than to fade away," they say. While usually this statement is reserved for celebrities or musicians and the like, it can apply very much so to people in our everyday lives. There's a young lady that at one point in time I was pretty much in love with. I was completely just enamored with everything about her. Her eyes, just gorgeous. Her smell, quite possibly the only girl's who's perfume I know by name. Her brains, she was just brilliant. But most of all her smile. There were days that no matter how awful things were for me, her smile just made everything so much better.
"And though my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted, she'll hear me out and won't easily be converted to my way of thinking, in fact, she'll often disagree. But at the end of it all, she will understand me…"
- Depeche Mode
But as great as her smile was, the person behind that smile was even more awesome. I seriously believe she was the perfect foil for me. Whatever I tossed out, she threw back at me. If I wanted to sit around and be sensitive and deep, she sat around right with me. If I wanted to dip into the closet of my "alter-ego", not only did she tolerate him, she kept him in check (the latter being more impressive than the former). People like that I don't come across too often. Maybe that explains why she was one of the few people I'd actually bend over backwards for…
"And sooner or later it's over. I just don't want to miss you tonight." - Goo Goo Dolls
When I realized that a day would come when she wasn't going to be apart of my life anymore, I was pretty torn up inside. I mean just look how many RAW columns I wrote between last December and May. Dig deep enough in all of 'em, it's pretty obvious that I was a pathetic little wreck. Anyways, I remember when that day came like it was the back of my hand. I should considering it was one of the more monumental days in my life, but that's another story. I gave her a hug, a couple actually, that might have well had screamed "please don't let this dream end" while some cheesy power ballad by Air Supply (preferably "Making Love Out of Nothing At All") was playing in the background (I tell you guys, I go through life as a hopeless romantic everyday) - but like all things, that hug ended. She was gone and I was left there in 52B just lying on the couch looking at my diploma. The only thing comforting me was the fact that I had some really good memories and I knew that there would be a pretty good (tho slim) chance that I would see her again. I guess this would be where she "burnt out" per se. Her last memory to me was one of sadness, but pure happiness at the same time.
"So take the photographs and still frames in your mind…" - Green Day
Well time passes and life goes on. A few phone calls were exchanged, but those became few and far between. Those evolved into voicemail messages that were returned sometimes, on both sides. Long story short, she came down for Homecoming. I was quite excited to see her (as was she according to one drunken voicemail that I got while I was in Five Points one night), but when the day came, something just wasn't right. The smile was there, but it didn't seem to be the same anymore. The personality was there, but it didn't seem as vibrant as before. I was a little down by all this, but it didn't bother me until I went to take her back to the airport. There wasn't much conversation on the way back, and considering the two of us (shit, ONE of us could have carried a conversation with ourselves with the other just sitting there and that would have been normal), that was quite abnormal. And the goodbye hug didn't have that same "spark" to it as it did before.
"There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more, than to feel you deep in my heart."
- The Cure
I'm still not quite sure as to what happened that weekend, but after saying goodbye that second time, The Cure's "Pictures of You" (which for some reason unbeknownst to me became her "theme song" to me) just doesn't give me that same feeling as it did before. The feeling of comfort and happiness was gone. I guess that would be were the whole "fading away" thing comes into play…
Other thoughts that don't involve me being an eternal hopeless romantic…
"As long as we've got a fourth player at the end of the day, I've got this feeling everything's gonna turn out to be okay."
- Saint Dragon
As a kid I grew up playing video games. I know what actually makes the Legend of Zelda a "legend" (damn if it didn't take Nintendo 20 years to figure it out their damn selves tho…). Hearing the special ending theme music that plays when you beat Street Fighter II Championship Edition (or Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting) on one credit seriously chokes me up. The Konami Kode is preprogrammed into my thumbs after all these years still. With all the joy that I've had from videogames, I have to wonder what it would be like if I wasn't fortunate enough to be blessed with their pixilated goodness. There hasn't been a Christmas since 1988 where some type of game hasn't been under the tree (eventho last year came close - I didn't ask for any, but Nintendo thought it would be nice to send me the "The Legend of Zelda: Collector's Disc" on Christmas morning. Twas rather cool). Sad thing is, there's hundreds of kids who can't say the same. So this year, I've got some extra cash I'm not going to do anything with. I decided to donate to the Child's Play charity. It's a charity founded by gamers that donate toys and games to children's hospitals. Last year it was just in the Seattle area, but this year they've expanded some. I think it's a cool idea. I mean, whether I want to or not, I am getting older and I can't sit around playing videogames forever. It'd be nice to know that whether I have kids or not, I did my part in making sure that joysticks are passed down to the ones they were originally intended for.
"You know all the right people. You play all the right games. You always try to be everything to everyone."
- Everclear
Little by little I'm learning that I can't be everything to everyone (not saying I'm great or anything - tho my alter-ego would have you believe otherwise). I've got to make sure I'm looking out for myself first and foremost. If that gels with others, great. As a result, some people that I've been real close to in the past seemed to have been pushed back (or away) some. To be honest, some have been on purpose because I truthfully haven't figured out how to live completely solo and incorporate everyone in. While at the same time, others have been pushed aside completely by accident. If you think you're one of the people in the aforementioned groups, I'm sorry. Now I know "I'm sorry" doesn't make things better, but it can't be said that I didn't acknowledge what's happening.
Man, it's been forever since I've written one of these. Anyways, there are times that the only way you can silence the demons is by slaying them head on…
"Tis better to burn out than to fade away," they say. While usually this statement is reserved for celebrities or musicians and the like, it can apply very much so to people in our everyday lives. There's a young lady that at one point in time I was pretty much in love with. I was completely just enamored with everything about her. Her eyes, just gorgeous. Her smell, quite possibly the only girl's who's perfume I know by name. Her brains, she was just brilliant. But most of all her smile. There were days that no matter how awful things were for me, her smile just made everything so much better.
"And though my views may be wrong, they may even be perverted, she'll hear me out and won't easily be converted to my way of thinking, in fact, she'll often disagree. But at the end of it all, she will understand me…"
- Depeche Mode
But as great as her smile was, the person behind that smile was even more awesome. I seriously believe she was the perfect foil for me. Whatever I tossed out, she threw back at me. If I wanted to sit around and be sensitive and deep, she sat around right with me. If I wanted to dip into the closet of my "alter-ego", not only did she tolerate him, she kept him in check (the latter being more impressive than the former). People like that I don't come across too often. Maybe that explains why she was one of the few people I'd actually bend over backwards for…
"And sooner or later it's over. I just don't want to miss you tonight." - Goo Goo Dolls
When I realized that a day would come when she wasn't going to be apart of my life anymore, I was pretty torn up inside. I mean just look how many RAW columns I wrote between last December and May. Dig deep enough in all of 'em, it's pretty obvious that I was a pathetic little wreck. Anyways, I remember when that day came like it was the back of my hand. I should considering it was one of the more monumental days in my life, but that's another story. I gave her a hug, a couple actually, that might have well had screamed "please don't let this dream end" while some cheesy power ballad by Air Supply (preferably "Making Love Out of Nothing At All") was playing in the background (I tell you guys, I go through life as a hopeless romantic everyday) - but like all things, that hug ended. She was gone and I was left there in 52B just lying on the couch looking at my diploma. The only thing comforting me was the fact that I had some really good memories and I knew that there would be a pretty good (tho slim) chance that I would see her again. I guess this would be where she "burnt out" per se. Her last memory to me was one of sadness, but pure happiness at the same time.
"So take the photographs and still frames in your mind…" - Green Day
Well time passes and life goes on. A few phone calls were exchanged, but those became few and far between. Those evolved into voicemail messages that were returned sometimes, on both sides. Long story short, she came down for Homecoming. I was quite excited to see her (as was she according to one drunken voicemail that I got while I was in Five Points one night), but when the day came, something just wasn't right. The smile was there, but it didn't seem to be the same anymore. The personality was there, but it didn't seem as vibrant as before. I was a little down by all this, but it didn't bother me until I went to take her back to the airport. There wasn't much conversation on the way back, and considering the two of us (shit, ONE of us could have carried a conversation with ourselves with the other just sitting there and that would have been normal), that was quite abnormal. And the goodbye hug didn't have that same "spark" to it as it did before.
"There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more, than to feel you deep in my heart."
- The Cure
I'm still not quite sure as to what happened that weekend, but after saying goodbye that second time, The Cure's "Pictures of You" (which for some reason unbeknownst to me became her "theme song" to me) just doesn't give me that same feeling as it did before. The feeling of comfort and happiness was gone. I guess that would be were the whole "fading away" thing comes into play…
Other thoughts that don't involve me being an eternal hopeless romantic…
"As long as we've got a fourth player at the end of the day, I've got this feeling everything's gonna turn out to be okay."
- Saint Dragon
As a kid I grew up playing video games. I know what actually makes the Legend of Zelda a "legend" (damn if it didn't take Nintendo 20 years to figure it out their damn selves tho…). Hearing the special ending theme music that plays when you beat Street Fighter II Championship Edition (or Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting) on one credit seriously chokes me up. The Konami Kode is preprogrammed into my thumbs after all these years still. With all the joy that I've had from videogames, I have to wonder what it would be like if I wasn't fortunate enough to be blessed with their pixilated goodness. There hasn't been a Christmas since 1988 where some type of game hasn't been under the tree (eventho last year came close - I didn't ask for any, but Nintendo thought it would be nice to send me the "The Legend of Zelda: Collector's Disc" on Christmas morning. Twas rather cool). Sad thing is, there's hundreds of kids who can't say the same. So this year, I've got some extra cash I'm not going to do anything with. I decided to donate to the Child's Play charity. It's a charity founded by gamers that donate toys and games to children's hospitals. Last year it was just in the Seattle area, but this year they've expanded some. I think it's a cool idea. I mean, whether I want to or not, I am getting older and I can't sit around playing videogames forever. It'd be nice to know that whether I have kids or not, I did my part in making sure that joysticks are passed down to the ones they were originally intended for.
"You know all the right people. You play all the right games. You always try to be everything to everyone."
- Everclear
Little by little I'm learning that I can't be everything to everyone (not saying I'm great or anything - tho my alter-ego would have you believe otherwise). I've got to make sure I'm looking out for myself first and foremost. If that gels with others, great. As a result, some people that I've been real close to in the past seemed to have been pushed back (or away) some. To be honest, some have been on purpose because I truthfully haven't figured out how to live completely solo and incorporate everyone in. While at the same time, others have been pushed aside completely by accident. If you think you're one of the people in the aforementioned groups, I'm sorry. Now I know "I'm sorry" doesn't make things better, but it can't be said that I didn't acknowledge what's happening.
Monday, September 27, 2004
27 September 2004
RAW Choice Cut: Moby - "Porcelain"
The original topic of this RAW column was work. Nothing more, nothing less. It was basically me putting the complaints everyone I know (who's working full-time) into one big place where we could all read it and take solace in the fact that all of us were fighting some kind of battle at work. Then as I was typing it, I realized that for every con that someone had their job, they had a pro that someone didn't have that balanced everything out. Even me. After hearing some of the horror stories that other people are dealing with at work, my job comes out smelling like roses. But even with all this, there are two things I do want to talk about, and they both deal with money.
"All and all, you're just another brick in the wall." - Pink Floyd
I will neva eva, eva eva, eva eva, eva eva, eva eva work another salaried job unless two conditions are met: 1) It has to be written in my contract how many hours a day/week I'm expected to work. For me to work a week where I've pulled in between 45-50 hours by a Thursday isn't uncommon. 2) My job responsibilities have to be CLEARLY defined. There's times where I'll be given someone else's job responsibilities and expected to do it just as good as they do. You want to be taken advantage of quickly? Work a salaried job where neither of these two conditions exist. In another one of those conversations I've had with mom about this she told me, "be glad you found this out at a young age." She used to have a salaried job and she didn't mind it until she sat down and did some math. Turns out for the hours and amount of work she was doing, she was getting paid less (both hourly and annually) than she was when she was unsalaried. Yeah, after a year she went back to her old job with the quickness. While salaried jobs maybe seen as a position of "respect and security," you got to remember you'll only want to do extra work when you get paid for it.
"Can't pay my rent, cause all my money's spent, but that's okay cause I'm still fly"
- Big Tymers
Okay. Somewhere between fourth grade and graduating college, someone SERIOUSLY distorts the value of a dollar. For the sake of making a point, I'm gonna tell everyone I make $35,000/yr. Now I see this as a fairly decent amount - only because I know that no Business Management major living in the southern United States, with no prior full-time work experience, should make more $32,000/yr - and that's being generous. Now with all this information, I don't see this as "a lot" of money. Now this is where things get twisted.
On one hand, when my parents moved into the house we've been living in for the past 17 years my parents were making a combined $37,500. By some act of God, they supported themselves, a 3 yr old, and a newborn. Now I realize that all this happened in 1987, but considering that my sister & I both went to private school and never lacked any want or need, I'm not writing this off as a small feat. Then there's my Team Leader at work. Jesus is a Guatemalan immigrant with an Eight Grade education (he's sharp as a knife tho). If he works at least 40 hrs/wk he should make in the neighborhood of $21,000/yr. His wife, Alejandra, works as a Machine Operator on the other side of the plant and she should make around $19,000/yr. Now Alejandra is "full of baby" (seriously, this kid should come out walking), yet neither one of them are stressing over money. They're sitting quite nicely. Nice house, nice car, both of them dress very well. These two situations are making me reverse my thinking on a conversation me and a group of Ambassadors had - we were all set on thinking that two people making $40,000/yr EACH could live like kings. Shit, I'm starting that this can be done on $40,000/yr combined.
Then on the other hand, you have us. All of us who graduated and have jobs are making anywhere between $20k and $49k, yet the majority of us have found some way to complain about our financial situation. People, we could have it A LOT worse. And considering that most of us still live at home or with family, I'm a little confused at this. And for those of us living alone, I'm not buying the "rent is expensive" excuse. Maybe if we all decided to "live within our means" we'd be more content with our money right now. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you have to.
T_Piddy: Where'd all that come from? Aiming all that at someone particular?
Terence: No, not really. Just tired of hearing all of us, including myself, saying we could do this and that if we had more money. We all have plenty enough as is. I'm thinking we just need to be a little smarter in how we spend our disposable income *tapsPiddy'sWCWTitlebelt*
T_Piddy: You put your dirty little hands on my belt one more time, you're gonna draw back a nub.
"I wanna feel like I'm close to something real. I wanna find something I've wanted all along…somewhere I belong."
- Linkin Park
One more work related note, then enough from "the real world." When I first started work, my boss told me that the job wasn't gonna be fun until I became part of the family. Now considering that I had been there maybe 3 days at the time I was a little confused as to what he was talking about. Now that I've been there 4 months, I can somewhat understand what Mike was talking about. Now, keep in mind, the job still isn't fun - but I do like the people I work with. Well the other day, I had one of those family moments Mike was talking about. One of my original team leaders (I've been on both sides of the plant, 2 lines on each side, so I've had 5 team leaders (one quit, Jesus is her replacement)), Marlene, invited me to a baby shower for her sister-in-law, Alejandra (Jesus and Alejandra are married - Alejandra and Victor are brother and sister - Victor is married to Marlene). I thought this was quite a nice gesture. Gave me warm fuzzies inside - especially considering I haven't really worked w/ Marlene, Victor, and Alejandra too much in the past 3 months. I only get to see them in passing and the only one I can hold a full conversation with is Marlene and Jesus (Victor knows a little English and Alejandra…well, let's just say there's a lot of broken Spanish and drawing of pictures to communicate). It was a cool feeling, made me feel really welcome there.
(T_Piddy: Baby shower full of young Hispanic women who's biological clocks are starting to tick louder and louder with every passing day? *rubshandstogether* This should be fun… ;-))
"Slide, slide, but that's the past. I got something brand new for that ass." - Coolio
Because I always like trying new things w/ my columns, I'm gonna come up with small thoughts on topics pulled straight out of people's profiles - just for shits and giggles.
boys can be stupid, but ya know, girls can be much stupider :-P (or more stupid, or however the crap you say that ;-))
The thing that makes me smile the most about this is the fact this came out of a girl's profile. It's good to see that at least someone from the fairer sex sees that they really have issues with using logic and common sense sometimes.
"Well, it seems to me that the best relationships--the ones that last-- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is...suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with."
While I'd love to agree with that statement wholeheartedly, it only holds true if after your switch is flicked, you can somehow manage to flick the other person's switch too. Easier said than done…
You know, it's kinda of funny I like doing this online journal, thing :-) hahah
Just wanted to give Miss Sarah a shoutout and a link. Considering I've gotten mention in a few of her entries, it's the least I could do
"I would be happy just to hold the hands I love, on this winter's night with you."
- Jewel & Sarah McLachlan
Does anyone else feel like fall got here a little earlier than usual? It's either that or I just really have been zoning out for the past few weeks. Football season is in full swing. The days are getting shorter. And the wind has is starting to get that "smell." Everyone knows the smell. It's the smell that brings back memories you had pushed back into the dark recesses of your mind. After a while everyone gets all depressed, then the "winter blues" kick in. I start thinking too much, listening to Jewel and Sarah McLachlan all the time, and some random female will walk into the picture and cause chaos. When that happens look for me to start turning out these things damn near daily. Figured I'd give everyone fair warning since I by the time I sit down to do another one of these, it'll probably be winter :-)
The original topic of this RAW column was work. Nothing more, nothing less. It was basically me putting the complaints everyone I know (who's working full-time) into one big place where we could all read it and take solace in the fact that all of us were fighting some kind of battle at work. Then as I was typing it, I realized that for every con that someone had their job, they had a pro that someone didn't have that balanced everything out. Even me. After hearing some of the horror stories that other people are dealing with at work, my job comes out smelling like roses. But even with all this, there are two things I do want to talk about, and they both deal with money.
"All and all, you're just another brick in the wall." - Pink Floyd
I will neva eva, eva eva, eva eva, eva eva, eva eva work another salaried job unless two conditions are met: 1) It has to be written in my contract how many hours a day/week I'm expected to work. For me to work a week where I've pulled in between 45-50 hours by a Thursday isn't uncommon. 2) My job responsibilities have to be CLEARLY defined. There's times where I'll be given someone else's job responsibilities and expected to do it just as good as they do. You want to be taken advantage of quickly? Work a salaried job where neither of these two conditions exist. In another one of those conversations I've had with mom about this she told me, "be glad you found this out at a young age." She used to have a salaried job and she didn't mind it until she sat down and did some math. Turns out for the hours and amount of work she was doing, she was getting paid less (both hourly and annually) than she was when she was unsalaried. Yeah, after a year she went back to her old job with the quickness. While salaried jobs maybe seen as a position of "respect and security," you got to remember you'll only want to do extra work when you get paid for it.
"Can't pay my rent, cause all my money's spent, but that's okay cause I'm still fly"
- Big Tymers
Okay. Somewhere between fourth grade and graduating college, someone SERIOUSLY distorts the value of a dollar. For the sake of making a point, I'm gonna tell everyone I make $35,000/yr. Now I see this as a fairly decent amount - only because I know that no Business Management major living in the southern United States, with no prior full-time work experience, should make more $32,000/yr - and that's being generous. Now with all this information, I don't see this as "a lot" of money. Now this is where things get twisted.
On one hand, when my parents moved into the house we've been living in for the past 17 years my parents were making a combined $37,500. By some act of God, they supported themselves, a 3 yr old, and a newborn. Now I realize that all this happened in 1987, but considering that my sister & I both went to private school and never lacked any want or need, I'm not writing this off as a small feat. Then there's my Team Leader at work. Jesus is a Guatemalan immigrant with an Eight Grade education (he's sharp as a knife tho). If he works at least 40 hrs/wk he should make in the neighborhood of $21,000/yr. His wife, Alejandra, works as a Machine Operator on the other side of the plant and she should make around $19,000/yr. Now Alejandra is "full of baby" (seriously, this kid should come out walking), yet neither one of them are stressing over money. They're sitting quite nicely. Nice house, nice car, both of them dress very well. These two situations are making me reverse my thinking on a conversation me and a group of Ambassadors had - we were all set on thinking that two people making $40,000/yr EACH could live like kings. Shit, I'm starting that this can be done on $40,000/yr combined.
Then on the other hand, you have us. All of us who graduated and have jobs are making anywhere between $20k and $49k, yet the majority of us have found some way to complain about our financial situation. People, we could have it A LOT worse. And considering that most of us still live at home or with family, I'm a little confused at this. And for those of us living alone, I'm not buying the "rent is expensive" excuse. Maybe if we all decided to "live within our means" we'd be more content with our money right now. Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you have to.
T_Piddy: Where'd all that come from? Aiming all that at someone particular?
Terence: No, not really. Just tired of hearing all of us, including myself, saying we could do this and that if we had more money. We all have plenty enough as is. I'm thinking we just need to be a little smarter in how we spend our disposable income *tapsPiddy'sWCWTitlebelt*
T_Piddy: You put your dirty little hands on my belt one more time, you're gonna draw back a nub.
"I wanna feel like I'm close to something real. I wanna find something I've wanted all along…somewhere I belong."
- Linkin Park
One more work related note, then enough from "the real world." When I first started work, my boss told me that the job wasn't gonna be fun until I became part of the family. Now considering that I had been there maybe 3 days at the time I was a little confused as to what he was talking about. Now that I've been there 4 months, I can somewhat understand what Mike was talking about. Now, keep in mind, the job still isn't fun - but I do like the people I work with. Well the other day, I had one of those family moments Mike was talking about. One of my original team leaders (I've been on both sides of the plant, 2 lines on each side, so I've had 5 team leaders (one quit, Jesus is her replacement)), Marlene, invited me to a baby shower for her sister-in-law, Alejandra (Jesus and Alejandra are married - Alejandra and Victor are brother and sister - Victor is married to Marlene). I thought this was quite a nice gesture. Gave me warm fuzzies inside - especially considering I haven't really worked w/ Marlene, Victor, and Alejandra too much in the past 3 months. I only get to see them in passing and the only one I can hold a full conversation with is Marlene and Jesus (Victor knows a little English and Alejandra…well, let's just say there's a lot of broken Spanish and drawing of pictures to communicate). It was a cool feeling, made me feel really welcome there.
(T_Piddy: Baby shower full of young Hispanic women who's biological clocks are starting to tick louder and louder with every passing day? *rubshandstogether* This should be fun… ;-))
"Slide, slide, but that's the past. I got something brand new for that ass." - Coolio
Because I always like trying new things w/ my columns, I'm gonna come up with small thoughts on topics pulled straight out of people's profiles - just for shits and giggles.
boys can be stupid, but ya know, girls can be much stupider :-P (or more stupid, or however the crap you say that ;-))
The thing that makes me smile the most about this is the fact this came out of a girl's profile. It's good to see that at least someone from the fairer sex sees that they really have issues with using logic and common sense sometimes.
"Well, it seems to me that the best relationships--the ones that last-- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is...suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with."
While I'd love to agree with that statement wholeheartedly, it only holds true if after your switch is flicked, you can somehow manage to flick the other person's switch too. Easier said than done…
You know, it's kinda of funny I like doing this online journal, thing :-) hahah
Just wanted to give Miss Sarah a shoutout and a link. Considering I've gotten mention in a few of her entries, it's the least I could do
"I would be happy just to hold the hands I love, on this winter's night with you."
- Jewel & Sarah McLachlan
Does anyone else feel like fall got here a little earlier than usual? It's either that or I just really have been zoning out for the past few weeks. Football season is in full swing. The days are getting shorter. And the wind has is starting to get that "smell." Everyone knows the smell. It's the smell that brings back memories you had pushed back into the dark recesses of your mind. After a while everyone gets all depressed, then the "winter blues" kick in. I start thinking too much, listening to Jewel and Sarah McLachlan all the time, and some random female will walk into the picture and cause chaos. When that happens look for me to start turning out these things damn near daily. Figured I'd give everyone fair warning since I by the time I sit down to do another one of these, it'll probably be winter :-)
Sunday, August 29, 2004
29 August 2004
RAW Choice Cut: The Pixies - "Where Is My Mind?"
"Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself…where is my mind?"
- Pixies
Truth be told, I don't know what the hell I was talking about in that last RAW column. I think I was just writing to cleanse my soul and my My Documents folder. The old stuff mixed with the new stuff in anything but a cohesive fashion. Then add to the fact I was trying to be funny / apologize / foreshadow at the beginning. Oh well, nothing another column can't fix.
"Youth's like diamonds in the sun. And diamonds are forever." - Alphaville
"My life is a fucking Saturn commercial," is what I said to myself this past Friday night as I drove through Five Points. Originally heading that direction to party w/ BGJ but then deciding to just get a pita and call it a night everything just got all weird. It felt as if I was going 5 mph down Greene Street watching as everything unfolded. The drunk girls holding each other up. The lines forming outside of the clubs. Some guy throwing up outside of a bar called "Pub." The cops questioning this guy on how much he had to drink. Everyone waiting at the ATM to take $21.50 out of their accounts. Then add to the fact I was already listening to Alphaville's "Forever Young" (which was used in Saturn's "High School" commercial) beforehand you had the makings of a really low budget commercial. All I needed was a sign saying "Now Leaving College" and a voiceover saying "As you travel down the highway of life, make sure you're riding in a Saturn."
"WE WANNA HAVE FUN AND WE WANNA GET WASTED!!!!!!" - Andrew W.K.
[promise that this will be the last paragraph of me complaining about my job directly - I'm starting to get tired of my excessive negativity, so I know anyone reading this is pretty sick of it also.]
The most beneficial thing about living at home isn't the discounted rent and free food. It's the fact that my mom is always somewhere near for me to talk to. As much as I complain and bitch and sometimes whine about my job and how bad it is, we've come to a conclusion - the job itself isn't THAT bad (oh yeah, there's still a lot of shitty parts about the job), it's just the fact that right now I'm too young. As much as I'm trying to do a good job (as far as my bosses are concerned I'm doing a great job - little do they know I'm halfassing it *shrugs*), my biggest concern at any moment is "when do I get to play?" I want to watch Monday Night Raw, I wanna go to concerts, I wanna drink with my friends in Columbia or Clemson on a Friday night, and right now I can't. In between working 50 hours a week at a place I don't like, the 10 hours of commuting, and the 40 hours of sleep I'm not left with much time for anything else - like social interaction. Or finding time to cash my check for that matter. Even with her having an idea of my impending mental (and sometimes physical) crash n' burn as far back as November when she tried her damnest to convince me to go straight to grad school (she knew I was going to want to play some more), she let me go ahead and try working for a bit. Why? Because she's good for giving me just enough rope to hang myself with (and I always thank her for that ;-)).
"Chances blown. Nothing's free. Longing for what used to be." - Offspring
One of my biggest fears about working (and life in general) has been personified at my job. There's another supervisor there who simply put, work is his life. And there's times when he hates work more than I do, but it's all he has. He has a degree. He has experience. He's 56 years old. Lives by himself. Works at night, so there's no chance of him meeting a woman. He comes in on days he doesn't have to make sure things are working correctly. He's there every Sunday to help maintenance. Sad thing is, he's a good guy who just decided to settle with the hand that life dealt him. We've talked about it (he always brings it up) and I tell him just find another job, you can move on. His answer "I'm too old to change kid, I think I'm just gonna stay here and deal with everything." Hey, whatever floats his boat - but as I said 3 years ago, "Nothing worse is looking at a man who settled." Except maybe looking a column from three years back and realizing I didn't proofread it.
"Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?" - Weird Al (mocking Avril)
I wanna talk about music for a little bit. Is it just me, or does it seem like music is on autopilot for the time being? I mean right now the number 1 song in the country is Terror Squad's "Lean Back." Lyrics - nothing to talk about. Beat - nothing special. And the dance - Simplest. Dance. Ever. Hell the only thing interesting about this song is the fact that Fat Joe says the word "nigga" about 20 times in the song and no one cares - yet J. Lo did the same ONCE in one of her songs a couple years back and it was the talk of the town. Guess you can get away with some things when people like you. While we're on the rap subject, what was up with the performance by Outkast at the VMAs? I mean I'm as sick as "Hey Ya!" as Andre is, but I mean come on now…he performed the song with his hand in his pocket. No energy whatsoever. It was if you could tell he didn't want to be there. As far as Rock goes, *shrugs* It's been slow there too. If it wasn't for the fact that I abhor the 'new' Taking Back Sunday and that Breaking Benjamin is kicking a fair amount of ass not much would be happening there either. Hell, even my favorite genre - pop - seems to be taking a vacation. When Top 40 playlists are being topped by Ashlee Simpson and whatever new single Avril decided to release this week, even I have a problem with that. Before I leave the music topic, more quick rap notes. G-G-G-G-Unit needs to go the F-F-F-Fuck away. I'm tired of this stuttering shit. Nelly releasing two albums on the same day. Great. On one album we have that awful "Get Your Eagle On" on track, the other we have him straight up SINGING on a track. And somewhere on one of those albums we have a duet between him and Tim McGraw. Lovely. I'm not even gonna waste a CD-R, let alone cash, on either one of those coasters. When music gets this bad, there's only one man who can save us… Where's Weird Al when you need him?
Speaking of which, it's been a while since I've made a list. I think I'll list my favorite Weird Al songs. I'm sure someone could use a smile. If you download them and don't laugh then poo on you.
5-T) "Theme From Rocky XIII" [Survivor - "Eye of the Tiger"]
5-T) "A Complicated Song" [Avril Lavigne - "Complicated"]
4) "It's All About The Pentiums" [P. Diddy & The Family ft. Fuzzbubble - "All About The Benjamins (Rock Remix)"]
3) "Headline News" [Crash Test Dummies - "Mmm Mmm Mmm"]
2) "Amish Paradise" [Coolio ft. L.V. - "Gangsta's Paradise"]
1) "Eat It" [Michael Jackson - "Beat It"]
"It wouldn't be L.A. without Mexicans, Black Love, Brown Pride…" -Tupac Shakur
I wanna talk about Mexicans - well Hispanics/Latinos in general for that matter. I'm gonna say they get an unfair rap in the United States. For all the politicians and such saying that illegal immigrants shouldn't be allowed in this country, they might wanna take a second look at the American workforce. And for everyone saying that they're stealing jobs from Americans - not true. They're doing the jobs most Americans don't want to do and they do them happily. Their work ethic is fucking amazing (I would know - I supervise about 35 of them) and they're very very mannerable. Scary thing is, the most problems I have whether it's disciplinary or just plain laziness comes from my African American and Caucasian workers. They feel as if they don't have to work as hard for the same pay. Either that or they feel as if I shouldn't make them work as hard since I'm "one of them" (guess that only applies for my black workers - seeing as how I'm not white). The days I have the least amount of problems are the days when my English speaking workers take the day off. Or don't show up. Funny how that worked out.
"Why ain't you a thug by choice? Why the whole world love my voice?" - Jadakiss
While I have a few more things to talk about, I think I'll save them until after Labor Day. Why? Because I'm going to Clemson for that weekend. And as sure as a bear shits in the woods, I'm sure sometype of drama will erupt. It's funny how the things you hated the most in life becomes the things you kinda look forward to. It's almost as if that type of stuff happens JUST to keep life interesting.
"Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself…where is my mind?"
- Pixies
Truth be told, I don't know what the hell I was talking about in that last RAW column. I think I was just writing to cleanse my soul and my My Documents folder. The old stuff mixed with the new stuff in anything but a cohesive fashion. Then add to the fact I was trying to be funny / apologize / foreshadow at the beginning. Oh well, nothing another column can't fix.
"Youth's like diamonds in the sun. And diamonds are forever." - Alphaville
"My life is a fucking Saturn commercial," is what I said to myself this past Friday night as I drove through Five Points. Originally heading that direction to party w/ BGJ but then deciding to just get a pita and call it a night everything just got all weird. It felt as if I was going 5 mph down Greene Street watching as everything unfolded. The drunk girls holding each other up. The lines forming outside of the clubs. Some guy throwing up outside of a bar called "Pub." The cops questioning this guy on how much he had to drink. Everyone waiting at the ATM to take $21.50 out of their accounts. Then add to the fact I was already listening to Alphaville's "Forever Young" (which was used in Saturn's "High School" commercial) beforehand you had the makings of a really low budget commercial. All I needed was a sign saying "Now Leaving College" and a voiceover saying "As you travel down the highway of life, make sure you're riding in a Saturn."
"WE WANNA HAVE FUN AND WE WANNA GET WASTED!!!!!!" - Andrew W.K.
[promise that this will be the last paragraph of me complaining about my job directly - I'm starting to get tired of my excessive negativity, so I know anyone reading this is pretty sick of it also.]
The most beneficial thing about living at home isn't the discounted rent and free food. It's the fact that my mom is always somewhere near for me to talk to. As much as I complain and bitch and sometimes whine about my job and how bad it is, we've come to a conclusion - the job itself isn't THAT bad (oh yeah, there's still a lot of shitty parts about the job), it's just the fact that right now I'm too young. As much as I'm trying to do a good job (as far as my bosses are concerned I'm doing a great job - little do they know I'm halfassing it *shrugs*), my biggest concern at any moment is "when do I get to play?" I want to watch Monday Night Raw, I wanna go to concerts, I wanna drink with my friends in Columbia or Clemson on a Friday night, and right now I can't. In between working 50 hours a week at a place I don't like, the 10 hours of commuting, and the 40 hours of sleep I'm not left with much time for anything else - like social interaction. Or finding time to cash my check for that matter. Even with her having an idea of my impending mental (and sometimes physical) crash n' burn as far back as November when she tried her damnest to convince me to go straight to grad school (she knew I was going to want to play some more), she let me go ahead and try working for a bit. Why? Because she's good for giving me just enough rope to hang myself with (and I always thank her for that ;-)).
"Chances blown. Nothing's free. Longing for what used to be." - Offspring
One of my biggest fears about working (and life in general) has been personified at my job. There's another supervisor there who simply put, work is his life. And there's times when he hates work more than I do, but it's all he has. He has a degree. He has experience. He's 56 years old. Lives by himself. Works at night, so there's no chance of him meeting a woman. He comes in on days he doesn't have to make sure things are working correctly. He's there every Sunday to help maintenance. Sad thing is, he's a good guy who just decided to settle with the hand that life dealt him. We've talked about it (he always brings it up) and I tell him just find another job, you can move on. His answer "I'm too old to change kid, I think I'm just gonna stay here and deal with everything." Hey, whatever floats his boat - but as I said 3 years ago, "Nothing worse is looking at a man who settled." Except maybe looking a column from three years back and realizing I didn't proofread it.
"Why'd I have to go and get myself decapitated?" - Weird Al (mocking Avril)
I wanna talk about music for a little bit. Is it just me, or does it seem like music is on autopilot for the time being? I mean right now the number 1 song in the country is Terror Squad's "Lean Back." Lyrics - nothing to talk about. Beat - nothing special. And the dance - Simplest. Dance. Ever. Hell the only thing interesting about this song is the fact that Fat Joe says the word "nigga" about 20 times in the song and no one cares - yet J. Lo did the same ONCE in one of her songs a couple years back and it was the talk of the town. Guess you can get away with some things when people like you. While we're on the rap subject, what was up with the performance by Outkast at the VMAs? I mean I'm as sick as "Hey Ya!" as Andre is, but I mean come on now…he performed the song with his hand in his pocket. No energy whatsoever. It was if you could tell he didn't want to be there. As far as Rock goes, *shrugs* It's been slow there too. If it wasn't for the fact that I abhor the 'new' Taking Back Sunday and that Breaking Benjamin is kicking a fair amount of ass not much would be happening there either. Hell, even my favorite genre - pop - seems to be taking a vacation. When Top 40 playlists are being topped by Ashlee Simpson and whatever new single Avril decided to release this week, even I have a problem with that. Before I leave the music topic, more quick rap notes. G-G-G-G-Unit needs to go the F-F-F-Fuck away. I'm tired of this stuttering shit. Nelly releasing two albums on the same day. Great. On one album we have that awful "Get Your Eagle On" on track, the other we have him straight up SINGING on a track. And somewhere on one of those albums we have a duet between him and Tim McGraw. Lovely. I'm not even gonna waste a CD-R, let alone cash, on either one of those coasters. When music gets this bad, there's only one man who can save us… Where's Weird Al when you need him?
Speaking of which, it's been a while since I've made a list. I think I'll list my favorite Weird Al songs. I'm sure someone could use a smile. If you download them and don't laugh then poo on you.
5-T) "Theme From Rocky XIII" [Survivor - "Eye of the Tiger"]
5-T) "A Complicated Song" [Avril Lavigne - "Complicated"]
4) "It's All About The Pentiums" [P. Diddy & The Family ft. Fuzzbubble - "All About The Benjamins (Rock Remix)"]
3) "Headline News" [Crash Test Dummies - "Mmm Mmm Mmm"]
2) "Amish Paradise" [Coolio ft. L.V. - "Gangsta's Paradise"]
1) "Eat It" [Michael Jackson - "Beat It"]
"It wouldn't be L.A. without Mexicans, Black Love, Brown Pride…" -Tupac Shakur
I wanna talk about Mexicans - well Hispanics/Latinos in general for that matter. I'm gonna say they get an unfair rap in the United States. For all the politicians and such saying that illegal immigrants shouldn't be allowed in this country, they might wanna take a second look at the American workforce. And for everyone saying that they're stealing jobs from Americans - not true. They're doing the jobs most Americans don't want to do and they do them happily. Their work ethic is fucking amazing (I would know - I supervise about 35 of them) and they're very very mannerable. Scary thing is, the most problems I have whether it's disciplinary or just plain laziness comes from my African American and Caucasian workers. They feel as if they don't have to work as hard for the same pay. Either that or they feel as if I shouldn't make them work as hard since I'm "one of them" (guess that only applies for my black workers - seeing as how I'm not white). The days I have the least amount of problems are the days when my English speaking workers take the day off. Or don't show up. Funny how that worked out.
"Why ain't you a thug by choice? Why the whole world love my voice?" - Jadakiss
While I have a few more things to talk about, I think I'll save them until after Labor Day. Why? Because I'm going to Clemson for that weekend. And as sure as a bear shits in the woods, I'm sure sometype of drama will erupt. It's funny how the things you hated the most in life becomes the things you kinda look forward to. It's almost as if that type of stuff happens JUST to keep life interesting.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
25 August 2004
"...cause Inside I realize that I'm the one confused. I don't know what's fighting for or why I had to scream. I don't know why I instigate or say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I know its not alright…"
RAW Choice Cut: Linkin Park - "Breaking The Habit"
I don't do RAW columns often. Well, at least not since graduating. There's not as much drama going on. Usually RAW columns only come about when I'm in a mood to do so, whereas Piddy can crank out an EAP from a string of random events, a little observational humor, or just by being silly. I might start one, then stop depending on whatever mood I'm in. RAW columns usually require some sort of catalyst in order for them to be written in full…
Speaking of which, Piddy is on vacation. For how long, I haven't decided. Definitely had a night where all better judgment got tossed out of the window. Someone got a little too much "crunk in their system" and definitely caused a good deal of trouble. I mean this…
*Trillville's "Get Some Crunk In Your System" (cued at 2:36) blares over the loudspeakers and Piddy walks into the column with the WCW World Title slung over his shoulder*
Piddy: Hi *smirks*
Terence: I don't interrupt your columns. Why do you do this to me?
Piddy: Actually, you do. Mr. "I don't want people to know about my ass fetish." You just don't do it with as much pageantry.
Terence: *heavysigh* Anyways… what do you want?
Piddy: Why am I being forced on vacation?
Terence: Well let's see. You got completely obliterated, spent waaay too much money, stepped to one of your best friends, got thrown out of a club - LITERALLY - by three bouncers, ripped the buttons off of your favorite shirt in a fit of rage, told the cops you were mad at your friend for doing a "heel turn," and all sorts of other trouble.
Piddy: You left out completely ignoring Jen, kissing up on Colette, grabbing Rachel's boobs with her husband standing right there, spilling beer on Bradley, and dancing with the ugly girl. ;-)
Terence: I tried to only talk about things I remember happening. Anyways, you need to sit out for a while.
Piddy: Fair enough. How about until Homecoming weekend?
Terence: Why Homecoming?
Piddy: *whisperssomethingintoTerence'sear* …I mean she was the only one who could tolerate both of us.
"I can try to pretend, I can try to forget, but it's driving me mad, going out of my head."
-t.A.T.u.
Terence: Homecoming it is then.
"I can't do this thing called life without you here with me." - Beyonce Knowles
Movie recommendation from the summer: The Notebook. Now considering that movies like Alien v. Predator, Spiderman 2, Shrek 2, I,Robot, and The Day After Tomorrow came out this summer, you probably wouldn't expect this to come out of anyone's mouth - let alone mine. But it's a really sweet movie that everyone should be able to relate to some part of it. In a nutshell, it tells a story of two kids who compliment each other extremely well, fall in love, but wind up being separated as a result of the war. Now not to spoil anything for anyone, but this was definitely one of the better movies I've seen in recent times. I shed a tear - or a few.
"You should tell her how you feel. You don't keep things like love inside you. It'll make you sick."
- Dr. Otto Octavious (Doc Ock)
Out of all the lines in that movie [Spiderman 2] that were quality, that one stood out to me. Maybe because I could empathize with Peter Parker. Maybe its cause I've given the same advice before, even if I don't always take my own medicine. But it's true. Love is just like anger. If you don't release it in some form, it'll take over your entire being. You won't be able to sleep good at night. Moments where you shouldn't be thinking of anything it becomes all you think about. You're just in a constant state of uneasiness. Eventually your feelings might subside long enough for you to come up w/ rational thoughts on a constant basis, but you always stumble across something that brings everything right back to the forefront.
"Before I let you walk away, I have one last demand. Tell me a lie, and say that you won't go…"
- "Tell Me A Lie," '96 HBK Tribute Song
Best friends. I've told many people that I don't care to have one. I've had a few when I was younger, but they would move away or something would happen and we just fall out of touch. Around eighth grade I just got tired of all this and decided to go solo. I wasn't a loner or anything nor ever did I have problem finding people to hang out with - I just preferred to not have that one person who I called my best friend. Until about 6 wks ago I kinda backed into the whole best friend thing. I was giving a guy a ride home from a party and as he was moving things around in my car he came across an odd little ornament that I've been carrying in my car lately. In my effort to explain the significance behind it I said my best friend gave it to me. Which then led to me explaining why they're such a great friend and completely forgetting about the gift itself. It was at that point I thought, "Phooey. Another best friend I'm gonna wind up with some distance between."
"I don't wanna grow up cause baby if I did, I couldn't be a Toys R' Us kid." - TRU Jingle
Now is a good time in life. We all have the mentality of little kids, its just that some of us now have the paychecks of grown ups. We're learning things like how to save and planning for the future, but we're also learning how to enjoy ourselves. Some of us purchase wrestling belts. Others are eyeballing pool tables. A few of us went out and bought a motorcycle. I think all of this is pretty damn cool. Every time I talk to someone now I get a good story about a toy they just bought or are real close to buying. Sure, some of us have jobs that suck (*raiseshand*) - but the things we can buy with this money are pretty damn cool.
From bikes to trains to vid-e-o games… I love that song :-)
"There's gotta be more to life than chasin' out every temporary high" - Stacie Orrico
In the same breath tho, money is not everything. Truthfully, I prefer personal happiness. Would I be willing to take a $5,000 pay cut, along with the cost of moving out and living on my own just so I could work in upstate South Carolina? Considering I slaved away last summer for a measly $1,000 to do the same, I'd say this a no brainer. Maybe I can say this because I'm a relatively "simple" person. Evenso, as much as I'd love to be completely happy right now, I have to think about what I wanna do next. When do I want to go back to school? Where? What do I want to do for a living? Do I want to chase a dream and work for the WWE or just get a nice cushy office job and continue to fill up my 401k? With all the big life changing questions in front of me, what to do, what to do… Well I know what I'm not going to do - and that's quit my job. I maybe "simple" but I'm not "stupid." It's a lot easier to change lifestyles when you have a nice nest egg built up. Now after I've made some solid decisions, then I'll go ahead and give my two weeks notice.
"I'm only happy when it rains. Pour your misery down on me." - Garbage
Since we've all been able to notice how unhappy I am with my job (yeah, last paragraph was written 2 mins ago. The paragraph preceding that was written July 11. That nice bed of money has gotten a lot less comfortable, and besides, I've always preferred sleeping on a floor anyways), I've been able to come away with some observations from work - like how selfish we can be at times. Things completely change when you work with people who love their job and see it as their living whereas you're just doing it to "pass time." A fellow supervisor was going on and on about a mistake someone made and how they were screwing up their "livelihood" and how we all could be out of job, etc. My only thought was "blowing this a little out of proportion aren't we?" Maybe he was right but right now, I can't say I care. I'll still be able to eat, have a roof over my head, and since I have a college diploma, I can go out and find something to do if the situation was as bad as he made it out to be. Finally a saying makes sense - "Be sure to find a job where you'll want to work like you don't have that diploma." My uncle told me that on graduation day. Makes perfect sense now. Expect me to follow up on this topic in the coming months. CCF just hired 2 other supervisors out of Clemson at the same pay I'm getting. Promise you they didn't take the job because they want to get a leg up in the food industry. Gimme one month and I'll be able to tell you a story of 4 Clemson grads who are miserable but dress a little bit nicer - if they stay that long. I've already taken Sarina's place…
In a random blog plug - check out my friend John's page. It's always an interesting read. Maybe because he's just as much of a dreamer (if not moreso) than I am. http://www.livejournal.com/users/canaroo/
RAW Choice Cut: Linkin Park - "Breaking The Habit"
I don't do RAW columns often. Well, at least not since graduating. There's not as much drama going on. Usually RAW columns only come about when I'm in a mood to do so, whereas Piddy can crank out an EAP from a string of random events, a little observational humor, or just by being silly. I might start one, then stop depending on whatever mood I'm in. RAW columns usually require some sort of catalyst in order for them to be written in full…
Speaking of which, Piddy is on vacation. For how long, I haven't decided. Definitely had a night where all better judgment got tossed out of the window. Someone got a little too much "crunk in their system" and definitely caused a good deal of trouble. I mean this…
*Trillville's "Get Some Crunk In Your System" (cued at 2:36) blares over the loudspeakers and Piddy walks into the column with the WCW World Title slung over his shoulder*
Piddy: Hi *smirks*
Terence: I don't interrupt your columns. Why do you do this to me?
Piddy: Actually, you do. Mr. "I don't want people to know about my ass fetish." You just don't do it with as much pageantry.
Terence: *heavysigh* Anyways… what do you want?
Piddy: Why am I being forced on vacation?
Terence: Well let's see. You got completely obliterated, spent waaay too much money, stepped to one of your best friends, got thrown out of a club - LITERALLY - by three bouncers, ripped the buttons off of your favorite shirt in a fit of rage, told the cops you were mad at your friend for doing a "heel turn," and all sorts of other trouble.
Piddy: You left out completely ignoring Jen, kissing up on Colette, grabbing Rachel's boobs with her husband standing right there, spilling beer on Bradley, and dancing with the ugly girl. ;-)
Terence: I tried to only talk about things I remember happening. Anyways, you need to sit out for a while.
Piddy: Fair enough. How about until Homecoming weekend?
Terence: Why Homecoming?
Piddy: *whisperssomethingintoTerence'sear* …I mean she was the only one who could tolerate both of us.
"I can try to pretend, I can try to forget, but it's driving me mad, going out of my head."
-t.A.T.u.
Terence: Homecoming it is then.
"I can't do this thing called life without you here with me." - Beyonce Knowles
Movie recommendation from the summer: The Notebook. Now considering that movies like Alien v. Predator, Spiderman 2, Shrek 2, I,Robot, and The Day After Tomorrow came out this summer, you probably wouldn't expect this to come out of anyone's mouth - let alone mine. But it's a really sweet movie that everyone should be able to relate to some part of it. In a nutshell, it tells a story of two kids who compliment each other extremely well, fall in love, but wind up being separated as a result of the war. Now not to spoil anything for anyone, but this was definitely one of the better movies I've seen in recent times. I shed a tear - or a few.
"You should tell her how you feel. You don't keep things like love inside you. It'll make you sick."
- Dr. Otto Octavious (Doc Ock)
Out of all the lines in that movie [Spiderman 2] that were quality, that one stood out to me. Maybe because I could empathize with Peter Parker. Maybe its cause I've given the same advice before, even if I don't always take my own medicine. But it's true. Love is just like anger. If you don't release it in some form, it'll take over your entire being. You won't be able to sleep good at night. Moments where you shouldn't be thinking of anything it becomes all you think about. You're just in a constant state of uneasiness. Eventually your feelings might subside long enough for you to come up w/ rational thoughts on a constant basis, but you always stumble across something that brings everything right back to the forefront.
"Before I let you walk away, I have one last demand. Tell me a lie, and say that you won't go…"
- "Tell Me A Lie," '96 HBK Tribute Song
Best friends. I've told many people that I don't care to have one. I've had a few when I was younger, but they would move away or something would happen and we just fall out of touch. Around eighth grade I just got tired of all this and decided to go solo. I wasn't a loner or anything nor ever did I have problem finding people to hang out with - I just preferred to not have that one person who I called my best friend. Until about 6 wks ago I kinda backed into the whole best friend thing. I was giving a guy a ride home from a party and as he was moving things around in my car he came across an odd little ornament that I've been carrying in my car lately. In my effort to explain the significance behind it I said my best friend gave it to me. Which then led to me explaining why they're such a great friend and completely forgetting about the gift itself. It was at that point I thought, "Phooey. Another best friend I'm gonna wind up with some distance between."
"I don't wanna grow up cause baby if I did, I couldn't be a Toys R' Us kid." - TRU Jingle
Now is a good time in life. We all have the mentality of little kids, its just that some of us now have the paychecks of grown ups. We're learning things like how to save and planning for the future, but we're also learning how to enjoy ourselves. Some of us purchase wrestling belts. Others are eyeballing pool tables. A few of us went out and bought a motorcycle. I think all of this is pretty damn cool. Every time I talk to someone now I get a good story about a toy they just bought or are real close to buying. Sure, some of us have jobs that suck (*raiseshand*) - but the things we can buy with this money are pretty damn cool.
From bikes to trains to vid-e-o games… I love that song :-)
"There's gotta be more to life than chasin' out every temporary high" - Stacie Orrico
In the same breath tho, money is not everything. Truthfully, I prefer personal happiness. Would I be willing to take a $5,000 pay cut, along with the cost of moving out and living on my own just so I could work in upstate South Carolina? Considering I slaved away last summer for a measly $1,000 to do the same, I'd say this a no brainer. Maybe I can say this because I'm a relatively "simple" person. Evenso, as much as I'd love to be completely happy right now, I have to think about what I wanna do next. When do I want to go back to school? Where? What do I want to do for a living? Do I want to chase a dream and work for the WWE or just get a nice cushy office job and continue to fill up my 401k? With all the big life changing questions in front of me, what to do, what to do… Well I know what I'm not going to do - and that's quit my job. I maybe "simple" but I'm not "stupid." It's a lot easier to change lifestyles when you have a nice nest egg built up. Now after I've made some solid decisions, then I'll go ahead and give my two weeks notice.
"I'm only happy when it rains. Pour your misery down on me." - Garbage
Since we've all been able to notice how unhappy I am with my job (yeah, last paragraph was written 2 mins ago. The paragraph preceding that was written July 11. That nice bed of money has gotten a lot less comfortable, and besides, I've always preferred sleeping on a floor anyways), I've been able to come away with some observations from work - like how selfish we can be at times. Things completely change when you work with people who love their job and see it as their living whereas you're just doing it to "pass time." A fellow supervisor was going on and on about a mistake someone made and how they were screwing up their "livelihood" and how we all could be out of job, etc. My only thought was "blowing this a little out of proportion aren't we?" Maybe he was right but right now, I can't say I care. I'll still be able to eat, have a roof over my head, and since I have a college diploma, I can go out and find something to do if the situation was as bad as he made it out to be. Finally a saying makes sense - "Be sure to find a job where you'll want to work like you don't have that diploma." My uncle told me that on graduation day. Makes perfect sense now. Expect me to follow up on this topic in the coming months. CCF just hired 2 other supervisors out of Clemson at the same pay I'm getting. Promise you they didn't take the job because they want to get a leg up in the food industry. Gimme one month and I'll be able to tell you a story of 4 Clemson grads who are miserable but dress a little bit nicer - if they stay that long. I've already taken Sarina's place…
In a random blog plug - check out my friend John's page. It's always an interesting read. Maybe because he's just as much of a dreamer (if not moreso) than I am. http://www.livejournal.com/users/canaroo/
Thursday, June 24, 2004
2-24 June 2004
RAW Choice Cut: Modest Mouse - "Float On"
"The trees that whisper in the evening...carried away by a moonlight shadow."
- Maggie O'Reilly / Missing Heart
Sometimes in our daily hubbub and bustle we forget how short life is. That every day isn't promised to us. Not too long after graduation, I caught wind that an acquaintance of mine had died in a plane crash. Ania wasn't someone I saw everyday or spoke to often, but when I did come across her she was always "good people." She transferred to Georgia State from Clemson last year, so I only saw her once last year, but it was fun times. Denny and I had gone down to ATL to catch the GT/Clemson game. Ania happened to be there (in faithful Clemson orange) and managed to spot us amongst all the other Clemson fans. She greeted us w/ hugs and kisses as always and asked if we wanted to go out that night, where we were staying, if we needed a place to stay and all types of things. We never did get to sample the ATL nightlife w/ her that night (due to the length of the game and us not having eaten all day), but she did let us crash at her place so we wouldn't have to drive back to Clemson at 2am. Gave us blankets, pillows, and even made us breakfast the next morning. Twas quite nice of her, but with Ania its not like I should have expected any different. I'm definitely gonna agree with Denny in saying that she'll be missed.
"We'll find their place in line. Tie a string around your finger, its just a matter of time."
- Vince McMahon's WWE Theme Song
In my travels around the state job hunting, that short stint I had at Waffle House, and even in the few days I've been working in Columbia, I've noticed something. You work as a higher up at a place too long, you lose your soul. Everything the company believes in becomes gospel and you're a preacher. It's almost sad. You see shells of people that you could tell at one point and time were more than just speakerboxes. In talking w/ the HR Manager in Columbia, it seems as if that was one of the reasons the new supervisors and myself were brought on. People started to believe in one way, the company way, and it caused things to stagnate. Now while this doesn't happen to everyone in a company, I can only question how long it'll be before I look back on this and go "what happened to me?"
"Just a day. Just an ordinary day. Just tryin' to get by." - Vanessa Carlton
Speaking of the work world and such, I've noticed something. Your first day of work is worthless. But it's the one everyone wants to know about. The three people I know who've started working (Cecil, Miss Sarah, and myself) all went through the same thing. People ask you how you day went - but all you do is fill out paperwork, watch training videos, and hang out with the Human Resources department. Next person I know who starts a job (which I think is Denny), I'm gonna ask them how it went on the first and second day. The first day because everyone likes to know that people actually care. The second day because I actually want to know what in the blue hell do you.
"I try and tell myself it'll be alright. I shouldn't think anymore tonight. Dreams last for so long…"
- Jewel
Finally an answer for that eternal question -- which to follow, you head or your heart? After a few mistakes and bad choices, I'm gonna have to go with following your heart. When you follow your head, things may go smoothly. Everything's well thought out and goes pretty much to plan. But you're always second guessing yourself. Wondering what would have happened if you chose Door #1 instead of Door #2. When you follow your heart, things will definitely not follow any type of plan. The path might be a little rough and there's a possibility you could come away without anything. But at least you know at the end of it all, you will have given your all. And life's a lot easier to live knowing "what happened" instead of wondering "what-if." Guess we know what they say about hindsight…
"All I need is time. A moment that is mine. While I'm in between." - Britney Spears
It's amazing how what you think will be an awful situation quickly turns out to be better than you thought it would be. Mom always told me, "When you're not looking forward to something, that's usually when you enjoy yourself the most." I know many of us are getting jobs or going away to grad school and are not looking forward to leaving behind what we knew for the last few years. But believe me, once you jump into it head first and get your feet wet, you'll be amazed at all the good things that come your way. After a while your "new" life becomes commonplace. And while there will be times you'll miss what you knew, you'll quickly find out that going back to that doesn't exactly feel the same as it did before.
"430 Lex with the convertible top , and the rims keep spinnin' everytime I stop."
- Big Tymers
Speaking of which, I realized something. Recently I bought an Game Boy NESp. Its great and reeks of retro-awesomeness, but that's not the point I want to make. This thing set me back $100. At first I was like, I just spent $100 on something I probably won't play too often. Then I thought about how much money I spent on alcohol and such. Yeah. Now while its great and all, the good times I had from that alcohol produced nothing tangible. That Game Boy is a pretty tangible object considering I can see it resting on top of CPU tower. Now I'm not knocking having a couple drinks here and there. Just don't do something dumb like pay for an excessive amount of drinks 5 or 6 days out of the week. I did that the week of my 21st and while it was great and all, I can't say I have too much to show from it - other than a wallet that was a little bit lighter. Let's all try to think a little bit more before spending money foolishly. (And keeping the bottles that the alcohol came in doesn't really count as being tangible. Believe me, after you graduate, a lot of ya'll will see those don't carry over into life too well.)
"Here comes the two, to the three, to the four, everyone drunk out on the dance floor."
- J-Kwon
Sidenote: When you go out drinking, be sure to be kind to your designated drivers. These are people who have to deal with your drunk ass, listen to your ramblings, handle you smelling like cigarettes, cheap women, and alcohol, and be ready for you to randomly throw up in their vehicle. Plus they are taking time from whatever they're doing to make sure you get home safely. Buy 'em some food. Call 'em the next day saying thank you. Or you can do like that commercial and buy 'em some flowers. And on that note, I'd like to say thanks to Eric and Chad, Libby and Shay, and Miss Kel Kel. I've already bought all of ya'll food, so don't expect flowers from me.
Short list of goals for the next 10 years - Buy "Authentic Replica" WCW Title Belt. Buy Ms Pac-Man arcade machine. (Say what you wish, but they're tangible, I'm single, and I get a nice paycheck that I do nothing with…) Get MBA. Get job #2 in upstate South Carolina. Attend WrestleMania XV. Get job #3 outside of South Carolina. Vow to never reclaim residency in South Carolina. Find good girlfriend. Make her my fiance. Get married. Let her live the "Glamorous Life". Have Chug. Buy Boat.
Random Thoughts (or Inside Jokes for the people who know what I'm talking about)
"All and all you're just another dick with no balls." - Bloodhound Gang - Some people think they're waaaaaaay cooler than they really are. They really could use a wake up call. It'd save them the trouble of making a fool of themselves.
"I said it must be yo ass, cause it ain't yo face." - Nelly - Sometimes you do things to women just for the sheer novelty of it. But watch out, it might wind up being really embarassing.
"I've been to paint drying competitions that were more fun." - T_Piddy - Oof. No comment on that one.
"How many cookies do I have in my mouth?" - Verizon Commercial - Nothing is better than having you friends call you at work and making your pants vibrate. Except when you get that text message saying "Save Me Today." Its at that moment you know the weekend is going to be interesting.
"I'd still pick my friends over you." - New Found Glory - That one friend you turn your back on will be the one friend you need the most.
"I got that dirty south with me, I don't give a fuck." - Lil Jon - People do stuff to illicit a reaction out of you. It's not worth pleasing them to react.
"The trees that whisper in the evening...carried away by a moonlight shadow."
- Maggie O'Reilly / Missing Heart
Sometimes in our daily hubbub and bustle we forget how short life is. That every day isn't promised to us. Not too long after graduation, I caught wind that an acquaintance of mine had died in a plane crash. Ania wasn't someone I saw everyday or spoke to often, but when I did come across her she was always "good people." She transferred to Georgia State from Clemson last year, so I only saw her once last year, but it was fun times. Denny and I had gone down to ATL to catch the GT/Clemson game. Ania happened to be there (in faithful Clemson orange) and managed to spot us amongst all the other Clemson fans. She greeted us w/ hugs and kisses as always and asked if we wanted to go out that night, where we were staying, if we needed a place to stay and all types of things. We never did get to sample the ATL nightlife w/ her that night (due to the length of the game and us not having eaten all day), but she did let us crash at her place so we wouldn't have to drive back to Clemson at 2am. Gave us blankets, pillows, and even made us breakfast the next morning. Twas quite nice of her, but with Ania its not like I should have expected any different. I'm definitely gonna agree with Denny in saying that she'll be missed.
"We'll find their place in line. Tie a string around your finger, its just a matter of time."
- Vince McMahon's WWE Theme Song
In my travels around the state job hunting, that short stint I had at Waffle House, and even in the few days I've been working in Columbia, I've noticed something. You work as a higher up at a place too long, you lose your soul. Everything the company believes in becomes gospel and you're a preacher. It's almost sad. You see shells of people that you could tell at one point and time were more than just speakerboxes. In talking w/ the HR Manager in Columbia, it seems as if that was one of the reasons the new supervisors and myself were brought on. People started to believe in one way, the company way, and it caused things to stagnate. Now while this doesn't happen to everyone in a company, I can only question how long it'll be before I look back on this and go "what happened to me?"
"Just a day. Just an ordinary day. Just tryin' to get by." - Vanessa Carlton
Speaking of the work world and such, I've noticed something. Your first day of work is worthless. But it's the one everyone wants to know about. The three people I know who've started working (Cecil, Miss Sarah, and myself) all went through the same thing. People ask you how you day went - but all you do is fill out paperwork, watch training videos, and hang out with the Human Resources department. Next person I know who starts a job (which I think is Denny), I'm gonna ask them how it went on the first and second day. The first day because everyone likes to know that people actually care. The second day because I actually want to know what in the blue hell do you.
"I try and tell myself it'll be alright. I shouldn't think anymore tonight. Dreams last for so long…"
- Jewel
Finally an answer for that eternal question -- which to follow, you head or your heart? After a few mistakes and bad choices, I'm gonna have to go with following your heart. When you follow your head, things may go smoothly. Everything's well thought out and goes pretty much to plan. But you're always second guessing yourself. Wondering what would have happened if you chose Door #1 instead of Door #2. When you follow your heart, things will definitely not follow any type of plan. The path might be a little rough and there's a possibility you could come away without anything. But at least you know at the end of it all, you will have given your all. And life's a lot easier to live knowing "what happened" instead of wondering "what-if." Guess we know what they say about hindsight…
"All I need is time. A moment that is mine. While I'm in between." - Britney Spears
It's amazing how what you think will be an awful situation quickly turns out to be better than you thought it would be. Mom always told me, "When you're not looking forward to something, that's usually when you enjoy yourself the most." I know many of us are getting jobs or going away to grad school and are not looking forward to leaving behind what we knew for the last few years. But believe me, once you jump into it head first and get your feet wet, you'll be amazed at all the good things that come your way. After a while your "new" life becomes commonplace. And while there will be times you'll miss what you knew, you'll quickly find out that going back to that doesn't exactly feel the same as it did before.
"430 Lex with the convertible top , and the rims keep spinnin' everytime I stop."
- Big Tymers
Speaking of which, I realized something. Recently I bought an Game Boy NESp. Its great and reeks of retro-awesomeness, but that's not the point I want to make. This thing set me back $100. At first I was like, I just spent $100 on something I probably won't play too often. Then I thought about how much money I spent on alcohol and such. Yeah. Now while its great and all, the good times I had from that alcohol produced nothing tangible. That Game Boy is a pretty tangible object considering I can see it resting on top of CPU tower. Now I'm not knocking having a couple drinks here and there. Just don't do something dumb like pay for an excessive amount of drinks 5 or 6 days out of the week. I did that the week of my 21st and while it was great and all, I can't say I have too much to show from it - other than a wallet that was a little bit lighter. Let's all try to think a little bit more before spending money foolishly. (And keeping the bottles that the alcohol came in doesn't really count as being tangible. Believe me, after you graduate, a lot of ya'll will see those don't carry over into life too well.)
"Here comes the two, to the three, to the four, everyone drunk out on the dance floor."
- J-Kwon
Sidenote: When you go out drinking, be sure to be kind to your designated drivers. These are people who have to deal with your drunk ass, listen to your ramblings, handle you smelling like cigarettes, cheap women, and alcohol, and be ready for you to randomly throw up in their vehicle. Plus they are taking time from whatever they're doing to make sure you get home safely. Buy 'em some food. Call 'em the next day saying thank you. Or you can do like that commercial and buy 'em some flowers. And on that note, I'd like to say thanks to Eric and Chad, Libby and Shay, and Miss Kel Kel. I've already bought all of ya'll food, so don't expect flowers from me.
Short list of goals for the next 10 years - Buy "Authentic Replica" WCW Title Belt. Buy Ms Pac-Man arcade machine. (Say what you wish, but they're tangible, I'm single, and I get a nice paycheck that I do nothing with…) Get MBA. Get job #2 in upstate South Carolina. Attend WrestleMania XV. Get job #3 outside of South Carolina. Vow to never reclaim residency in South Carolina. Find good girlfriend. Make her my fiance. Get married. Let her live the "Glamorous Life". Have Chug. Buy Boat.
Random Thoughts (or Inside Jokes for the people who know what I'm talking about)
"All and all you're just another dick with no balls." - Bloodhound Gang - Some people think they're waaaaaaay cooler than they really are. They really could use a wake up call. It'd save them the trouble of making a fool of themselves.
"I said it must be yo ass, cause it ain't yo face." - Nelly - Sometimes you do things to women just for the sheer novelty of it. But watch out, it might wind up being really embarassing.
"I've been to paint drying competitions that were more fun." - T_Piddy - Oof. No comment on that one.
"How many cookies do I have in my mouth?" - Verizon Commercial - Nothing is better than having you friends call you at work and making your pants vibrate. Except when you get that text message saying "Save Me Today." Its at that moment you know the weekend is going to be interesting.
"I'd still pick my friends over you." - New Found Glory - That one friend you turn your back on will be the one friend you need the most.
"I got that dirty south with me, I don't give a fuck." - Lil Jon - People do stuff to illicit a reaction out of you. It's not worth pleasing them to react.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
11 May 2004
RAW Choice Cut: Audioslave - "Like A Stone"
Home sweet home. And like that, college is over. When I sit back and think about it, it's pretty damn amazing how quickly that time flew by. Oh well, doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing. Just means it'll be a lot less frequent and a lot less people will read it. Guess now instead of me over-analyzing stuff (RAW) or just doing random social commentary (EAP), it'll be more like a diary. Should be interesting.
"I can't see 'em comin' down my eyes, so I gotta make this song cry." - Jay-Z
I amaze myself. I talk about how good an occasional cry is, yet I refuse to do it. I think graduation might have been one of the happiest times of my life, yet one of the saddest. I knew things were changing. I knew I'd never see some people again. I knew that I have didn't a clue as to what was immediately next. With all these emotions and thoughts in my head, there were a few times where I was seconds away from just letting the waterworks go. Never more than when saying goodbye to people. I don't think there was one person who I wasn't holding back a tear for when they left. When Michele left, I did good not to drop a gallon jug. Evenso, from the time Tristan left, to the time when I said bye to Miss Jen I had built up a nice reservoir. Yet when I was free to do cry, I didn't think it was necessary anymore. Hence I write about crying instead. Go fig…
"I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick. If you tick me, my tank is on empty." - Eminem
Another thought that came across my mind on the way home is what happens to T_Piddy? Yes, I know he's not real, but he is a part of me. He's the one that makes irrational decisions seem logical. He's the one that's always up for something new and different. He's the one that'll come over and listen to you when you want someone to talk to, even though he's been on the wrong end of a bad day himself. He's also the one that'll try to stick his tongue down your throat after having a bit too much (female) or take pictures of you when you're passed out on the kitchen floor. And while he's not the best of people all the time, he's a lot nicer than I've been in the past. I used to be really selfish, competitive, impatient, and really arrogant sometimes. Now I'm just impatient. I also stop listening and just hear you. Now that I'm tossed back into the same environment (not blaming my family. They're good. The causes behind my super-ego could fill up a RAW column by themselves) that originally brought this about for a while, I question how I grow as a person now. Does Piddy disappear? Do I retain his best features while blending them with my own? Or do I just slowly grow up into a well-rounded adult? Guess this is another one of those wait and see things.
"Chances blown. Nothing's free. Longing for what used to be…" - Offpsring
At my graduation party, I kept hearing a lot of people telling me not to rush with my job decision. This goes for now and post-MBA. They say there's enough time to work and never enough time to play. Also, to do something I love. Don't do it just because someone finally threw you a job. Or because the pay is outstanding. Do it because you have a passion for it. I find it funny because a friend and I had this same conversation about 2 wks ago. Neither of us want to do a job with great pay for 30 yrs, only to dread going every day - yet neither of us have a passion for anything. Then I started thinking illogically as I always do. I have passions, they're just "out there". My passion lies in professional wrestling. And pop music. And video games. And photography. And Ghostbusters. How I can turn any of this into a career, I'm not quite sure. But I've got time to figure it out…
But at the same time, I have to raise the question that at what point in making a career out of your passion do you lose your passion? How do you cope if what you use to escape the real world becomes your every day life? Kurt Cobain took his own life because he couldn't handle the fact that the music he loved now had him tied down. Now while this is an extreme case, it is relevant. Definitely food for thought…
"Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself…where is my mind?"
- The Pixies
Just some random thoughts I've had floating around lately…
*A question from freshman year that I never found an answer to: Can you be in love with someone if that person isn't in love with you?
*Will I miss Clemson now as much as I have in the past? While extremely nice, it was never so much the area or the surroundings that I missed when I left. It was my friends and the activities that were going on there. Now that the majority of my friends and I no longer call Clemson home for 9 months out of the year, how long will it be before Clemson becomes a place I talk about in the past tense?
*I look at my Clemson diploma and I think about a lot of things. "Only 100,000 other people or so have one of these." "Why is there no orange anywhere on this thing?" "Thank God they spelled my name correctly." "Whycome my emphasis area isn't stated on this thing?" But with all these thoughts the most overwhelming one is. "4 years of hard work. 4 years of very little sleep. 4 years of presentations, papers, and problems. 4 years of my life and all I have is a sheet of paper. I think I got hosed."
(now I'm talking about the physical diploma itself. The value of the degree is more than I can measure at the moment, but the diploma itself leaves something to be desired)
*Where'd all the girls go? Minus Courtney, I think I know no girls in Sumter. They all left town around sophomore year of college. And none of my fellas know any girls who are still around town either. Shit. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna miss Clemson.
*Speaking of girls, I now find blondes and black girls attractive on a per-case basis. My sudden noticing of blonde girls since January shouldn't need an explanation, but there have been some black girls around lately that are definitely worth commenting on. The girl from Twista's "Overnight Celebrity," is gorgeous and Alicia Keyes is quite tasty herself. But HOT DAMN, Stacey Dash (girl from Kanye's "All Falls Down" video) might be the most delicious creature walking. There had better be one damn good reason that Kanye didn't get on that plane behind her.
*Another one of those Terence is playing the "musical race card" things. In the same vein as my "White people love Andre" comment (which is true. Big Boi's "Last Call" would have been a much better single than "Roses," but it didn't have the same pop appeal as Andre's track…), I'm gonna talk about another boo-boo. White girls, please stop liking D12's "My Band." I'm singling out white girls because they're the only ones who like this God-awful song. Somewhere along the line, they find it funny. No. Just stop. Kudos to Miss Jen for changing the station that one day I was in her car and it came on (she likes the song, but I think she caught wind a while back of how much I loathe it. She's an observant one). Poo on Michele, Aubrey, Miss Rebecca for not only listening to the song, but singing with it. Ugh.
"Shoot for the stars, so if you fall, you'll land on a cloud." - Kanye West
I like this line. I'm not really sure what I'm aiming for at this point in my life, but I know to not sell myself short. And that goes for everything. Education. Friends. Relationships. Personal Happiness. Whatever. I may fail a few times down the road (which definitely won't be the first) but in the end I think everything'll work out.
Home sweet home. And like that, college is over. When I sit back and think about it, it's pretty damn amazing how quickly that time flew by. Oh well, doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing. Just means it'll be a lot less frequent and a lot less people will read it. Guess now instead of me over-analyzing stuff (RAW) or just doing random social commentary (EAP), it'll be more like a diary. Should be interesting.
"I can't see 'em comin' down my eyes, so I gotta make this song cry." - Jay-Z
I amaze myself. I talk about how good an occasional cry is, yet I refuse to do it. I think graduation might have been one of the happiest times of my life, yet one of the saddest. I knew things were changing. I knew I'd never see some people again. I knew that I have didn't a clue as to what was immediately next. With all these emotions and thoughts in my head, there were a few times where I was seconds away from just letting the waterworks go. Never more than when saying goodbye to people. I don't think there was one person who I wasn't holding back a tear for when they left. When Michele left, I did good not to drop a gallon jug. Evenso, from the time Tristan left, to the time when I said bye to Miss Jen I had built up a nice reservoir. Yet when I was free to do cry, I didn't think it was necessary anymore. Hence I write about crying instead. Go fig…
"I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick. If you tick me, my tank is on empty." - Eminem
Another thought that came across my mind on the way home is what happens to T_Piddy? Yes, I know he's not real, but he is a part of me. He's the one that makes irrational decisions seem logical. He's the one that's always up for something new and different. He's the one that'll come over and listen to you when you want someone to talk to, even though he's been on the wrong end of a bad day himself. He's also the one that'll try to stick his tongue down your throat after having a bit too much (female) or take pictures of you when you're passed out on the kitchen floor. And while he's not the best of people all the time, he's a lot nicer than I've been in the past. I used to be really selfish, competitive, impatient, and really arrogant sometimes. Now I'm just impatient. I also stop listening and just hear you. Now that I'm tossed back into the same environment (not blaming my family. They're good. The causes behind my super-ego could fill up a RAW column by themselves) that originally brought this about for a while, I question how I grow as a person now. Does Piddy disappear? Do I retain his best features while blending them with my own? Or do I just slowly grow up into a well-rounded adult? Guess this is another one of those wait and see things.
"Chances blown. Nothing's free. Longing for what used to be…" - Offpsring
At my graduation party, I kept hearing a lot of people telling me not to rush with my job decision. This goes for now and post-MBA. They say there's enough time to work and never enough time to play. Also, to do something I love. Don't do it just because someone finally threw you a job. Or because the pay is outstanding. Do it because you have a passion for it. I find it funny because a friend and I had this same conversation about 2 wks ago. Neither of us want to do a job with great pay for 30 yrs, only to dread going every day - yet neither of us have a passion for anything. Then I started thinking illogically as I always do. I have passions, they're just "out there". My passion lies in professional wrestling. And pop music. And video games. And photography. And Ghostbusters. How I can turn any of this into a career, I'm not quite sure. But I've got time to figure it out…
But at the same time, I have to raise the question that at what point in making a career out of your passion do you lose your passion? How do you cope if what you use to escape the real world becomes your every day life? Kurt Cobain took his own life because he couldn't handle the fact that the music he loved now had him tied down. Now while this is an extreme case, it is relevant. Definitely food for thought…
"Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it and you'll ask yourself…where is my mind?"
- The Pixies
Just some random thoughts I've had floating around lately…
*A question from freshman year that I never found an answer to: Can you be in love with someone if that person isn't in love with you?
*Will I miss Clemson now as much as I have in the past? While extremely nice, it was never so much the area or the surroundings that I missed when I left. It was my friends and the activities that were going on there. Now that the majority of my friends and I no longer call Clemson home for 9 months out of the year, how long will it be before Clemson becomes a place I talk about in the past tense?
*I look at my Clemson diploma and I think about a lot of things. "Only 100,000 other people or so have one of these." "Why is there no orange anywhere on this thing?" "Thank God they spelled my name correctly." "Whycome my emphasis area isn't stated on this thing?" But with all these thoughts the most overwhelming one is. "4 years of hard work. 4 years of very little sleep. 4 years of presentations, papers, and problems. 4 years of my life and all I have is a sheet of paper. I think I got hosed."
(now I'm talking about the physical diploma itself. The value of the degree is more than I can measure at the moment, but the diploma itself leaves something to be desired)
*Where'd all the girls go? Minus Courtney, I think I know no girls in Sumter. They all left town around sophomore year of college. And none of my fellas know any girls who are still around town either. Shit. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna miss Clemson.
*Speaking of girls, I now find blondes and black girls attractive on a per-case basis. My sudden noticing of blonde girls since January shouldn't need an explanation, but there have been some black girls around lately that are definitely worth commenting on. The girl from Twista's "Overnight Celebrity," is gorgeous and Alicia Keyes is quite tasty herself. But HOT DAMN, Stacey Dash (girl from Kanye's "All Falls Down" video) might be the most delicious creature walking. There had better be one damn good reason that Kanye didn't get on that plane behind her.
*Another one of those Terence is playing the "musical race card" things. In the same vein as my "White people love Andre" comment (which is true. Big Boi's "Last Call" would have been a much better single than "Roses," but it didn't have the same pop appeal as Andre's track…), I'm gonna talk about another boo-boo. White girls, please stop liking D12's "My Band." I'm singling out white girls because they're the only ones who like this God-awful song. Somewhere along the line, they find it funny. No. Just stop. Kudos to Miss Jen for changing the station that one day I was in her car and it came on (she likes the song, but I think she caught wind a while back of how much I loathe it. She's an observant one). Poo on Michele, Aubrey, Miss Rebecca for not only listening to the song, but singing with it. Ugh.
"Shoot for the stars, so if you fall, you'll land on a cloud." - Kanye West
I like this line. I'm not really sure what I'm aiming for at this point in my life, but I know to not sell myself short. And that goes for everything. Education. Friends. Relationships. Personal Happiness. Whatever. I may fail a few times down the road (which definitely won't be the first) but in the end I think everything'll work out.
Sunday, May 02, 2004
2 May 2004
RAW Choice Cut: None. Too many links (which are necessary (to me at least, but I also know where to look to make sense out of this thing) to read this time) plus the fact that Geocities can't handle the bandwidth equals no mp3 this time. Sometimes silence is better to think with anyways. If you really want a song, Jewel - "Break Me" is a great one.
"When it comes to bein' true, at least true to me, one thing I found I know you'll never let me down."
- Kanye West
My cousin Tricia told me that the friends you make freshman year will be the ones that stick with you for the rest of your life. If that's the case, I seriously lucked out. I seriously believe I couldn't have found a better group of brothers if I tried. We've been through a lot. We've had good times with each other. We've had not so good times with each other. We've lived through random instances of great luck and we've also had to beat each other up a few times. That's how you make family. I've said my goodbyes to a few of 'em so far, but I know that shit ain't goodbye. While a little sad, I know its just an "I'll holla."
"I don't care where you've been or what you've done before, cause it's a whole new game when you walk through my door."
- Fagan & Clark
I've lived in a lot of places before. Some for 17 years. Some for just a few days. Now to say you've lived somewhere is completely different than saying that's where you call home. I can easily call 52B home. I truly feel bad for 2 things. 1, that after two years, my stay in 52B is gonna come to an end. 2, whoever lives here next will NEVER be able to live up to the 52B legacy. With T_Piddy, Lil' Cease, JD, and that random fourth (adding Phil to the mix this year was just a bad idea) all under one roof we've been the long standing epicenter of randomness in Lightsey Bridge. From having random freshmen funnel beers to "break 'em in," to the use of the fog machine, to that stupid drunk girl taking my socks, to punching the daylights out of Kel Kel (sorry hun) life's been interesting here. I'd love to be around to explain the water spots on the floor, why the toilet never stops running, the random pieces of silly string everywhere, and the huge stain in the SW corner of the room - but that's for CU Housing to worry about.
Speakin' of Piddy…
-----------------------------------------------
"It's time to show these players how it should be done, you got Pimp Potential. You might could be one."
- Lloyd Banks
Alright, I've come to the conclusion that girls might be the most illogical creatures on the face of the planet. There's no trying to figure them out. I told a story a while back about a few guys who gave their best effort to make things go right. Now of course, the stories didn't end there. There was a good bit more, but I have better things to do than fill up RAW space with the story of everyone's love life. That's what the EAP is for. Anywhoo, for this many guys to honestly try and wind up failing, well something's not right here. Then to hear statements like "I'm tired of all the shitty guys" and "______ is such an asshole," followed by lines like "well nice guys are okay, but they're boring" and "you know how I fall for the assholes" really doesn't make sense. You'll never hear a guy go "nothing like a girl that treats me like shit." Maybe because we use logic. And you girls wonder why I "joke" about saying that all guys should turn heel. Apparently that's what works.
"Her boyfriend, he don't know anything about her…I wish that I could make her see. She's just the flavor of the weak."
- American Hi-Fi
No, I'm not done with the female side of the species. I just needed a paragraph break. People like paragraphs, they make things easier to read. Observation of recent, and its been backed up by a female source. Guys want their friends. Girls try to make friends. Clarified, I'm saying that guys want to date their friends for a reason. They enjoy them so much in every way, shape, form, and fashion that the only next logical step is to try make a relationship out of it. Worse come to worse, they'll still be friends. Girls see it differently. They try to take the guy they're dating and make him into the friend they want. They want him to listen, care, be them for them, etc instead of giving the guy who a) does that willingly or b) would love to do that every day a fair shake. What happened to the line "to try and fail is better than to never tried at all?"
-----------------------------------------------
*scratcheshead* After reading that, I don't know if that was one of those "You cut one of us, we all bleed" moments or if someone slapped him in the face. Either way, it was so much nicer and less forceful when I said something along same lines last December. Anyways…
"Trust in my self righteous suicide. I cry when angels deserve to die."
- System of a Down
I'm a firm believer that you have to pay for your actions. In a nutshell, if you bought the mattress, assembled the bed frame, and then made the bed, well then it's yours to lay in. If you mess up somewhere along the line, it's one thing to come around looking for help. It's another to go around looking for others to feel sorry for you. Just because they sound the similar and can be used in sentences very similarly, empathy and sympathy do not mean the same thing.
"Some will win. Some will lose. Some are born to sing the blues." - Journey
Some times I look back on the decisions I made. Some of 'em were made very well. Completely thought out, not hasty at all. Others I probably should have waited on before making judgment. Instead of handling some things, I either ignored it or came up with some type of distraction so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I'd like to say "hey, I wish I could redo that one." But what's done is done. If something was meant to be redone, it'll find a way to fix itself…
"I keep asking myself, wondering "how?" I keep closing my eyes, but I can't figure out."
- t.A.T.u.
Sometimes I make observations or have thoughts that make sense to me no matter how crazy and/or illogical they may be. Now when other people stumble across the same observations, I have to ask the question - who's the one who's nuts here? Me for thinking randomly in the first place or them for thinking of the same thing?
"When I think about the future, I think about… success. family. happiness. hopes and dreams. love."
- Vitamin C
It's been an interesting time as of late. With everything winding down, I've spoken to a lot of people and noticed the same thing. We've all got the same fears. The same thoughts. It's almost as if I've had the same conversation multiple times. At my computer inside my own head. Over a tall cold one with an old friend. Standing in my doorway with George on my shoulder. Sitting on a couch w/ them lying in my lap. Driving to Seneca for no damned reason. If it's comforting to anyone other than me, just know that other people are going through the same things. We're all a little lost about what next, but I've noticed one thing from everyone. Optimism. With all the tears I've seen shed, the crackles I've heard in voices, the random sadness, there's always a thought of "well this part will be cool." That's what I'm holding on to. I'm not even too concerned about the nervousness. It'll pass.
"When it comes to bein' true, at least true to me, one thing I found I know you'll never let me down."
- Kanye West
My cousin Tricia told me that the friends you make freshman year will be the ones that stick with you for the rest of your life. If that's the case, I seriously lucked out. I seriously believe I couldn't have found a better group of brothers if I tried. We've been through a lot. We've had good times with each other. We've had not so good times with each other. We've lived through random instances of great luck and we've also had to beat each other up a few times. That's how you make family. I've said my goodbyes to a few of 'em so far, but I know that shit ain't goodbye. While a little sad, I know its just an "I'll holla."
"I don't care where you've been or what you've done before, cause it's a whole new game when you walk through my door."
- Fagan & Clark
I've lived in a lot of places before. Some for 17 years. Some for just a few days. Now to say you've lived somewhere is completely different than saying that's where you call home. I can easily call 52B home. I truly feel bad for 2 things. 1, that after two years, my stay in 52B is gonna come to an end. 2, whoever lives here next will NEVER be able to live up to the 52B legacy. With T_Piddy, Lil' Cease, JD, and that random fourth (adding Phil to the mix this year was just a bad idea) all under one roof we've been the long standing epicenter of randomness in Lightsey Bridge. From having random freshmen funnel beers to "break 'em in," to the use of the fog machine, to that stupid drunk girl taking my socks, to punching the daylights out of Kel Kel (sorry hun) life's been interesting here. I'd love to be around to explain the water spots on the floor, why the toilet never stops running, the random pieces of silly string everywhere, and the huge stain in the SW corner of the room - but that's for CU Housing to worry about.
Speakin' of Piddy…
-----------------------------------------------
"It's time to show these players how it should be done, you got Pimp Potential. You might could be one."
- Lloyd Banks
Alright, I've come to the conclusion that girls might be the most illogical creatures on the face of the planet. There's no trying to figure them out. I told a story a while back about a few guys who gave their best effort to make things go right. Now of course, the stories didn't end there. There was a good bit more, but I have better things to do than fill up RAW space with the story of everyone's love life. That's what the EAP is for. Anywhoo, for this many guys to honestly try and wind up failing, well something's not right here. Then to hear statements like "I'm tired of all the shitty guys" and "______ is such an asshole," followed by lines like "well nice guys are okay, but they're boring" and "you know how I fall for the assholes" really doesn't make sense. You'll never hear a guy go "nothing like a girl that treats me like shit." Maybe because we use logic. And you girls wonder why I "joke" about saying that all guys should turn heel. Apparently that's what works.
"Her boyfriend, he don't know anything about her…I wish that I could make her see. She's just the flavor of the weak."
- American Hi-Fi
No, I'm not done with the female side of the species. I just needed a paragraph break. People like paragraphs, they make things easier to read. Observation of recent, and its been backed up by a female source. Guys want their friends. Girls try to make friends. Clarified, I'm saying that guys want to date their friends for a reason. They enjoy them so much in every way, shape, form, and fashion that the only next logical step is to try make a relationship out of it. Worse come to worse, they'll still be friends. Girls see it differently. They try to take the guy they're dating and make him into the friend they want. They want him to listen, care, be them for them, etc instead of giving the guy who a) does that willingly or b) would love to do that every day a fair shake. What happened to the line "to try and fail is better than to never tried at all?"
-----------------------------------------------
*scratcheshead* After reading that, I don't know if that was one of those "You cut one of us, we all bleed" moments or if someone slapped him in the face. Either way, it was so much nicer and less forceful when I said something along same lines last December. Anyways…
"Trust in my self righteous suicide. I cry when angels deserve to die."
- System of a Down
I'm a firm believer that you have to pay for your actions. In a nutshell, if you bought the mattress, assembled the bed frame, and then made the bed, well then it's yours to lay in. If you mess up somewhere along the line, it's one thing to come around looking for help. It's another to go around looking for others to feel sorry for you. Just because they sound the similar and can be used in sentences very similarly, empathy and sympathy do not mean the same thing.
"Some will win. Some will lose. Some are born to sing the blues." - Journey
Some times I look back on the decisions I made. Some of 'em were made very well. Completely thought out, not hasty at all. Others I probably should have waited on before making judgment. Instead of handling some things, I either ignored it or came up with some type of distraction so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I'd like to say "hey, I wish I could redo that one." But what's done is done. If something was meant to be redone, it'll find a way to fix itself…
"I keep asking myself, wondering "how?" I keep closing my eyes, but I can't figure out."
- t.A.T.u.
Sometimes I make observations or have thoughts that make sense to me no matter how crazy and/or illogical they may be. Now when other people stumble across the same observations, I have to ask the question - who's the one who's nuts here? Me for thinking randomly in the first place or them for thinking of the same thing?
"When I think about the future, I think about… success. family. happiness. hopes and dreams. love."
- Vitamin C
It's been an interesting time as of late. With everything winding down, I've spoken to a lot of people and noticed the same thing. We've all got the same fears. The same thoughts. It's almost as if I've had the same conversation multiple times. At my computer inside my own head. Over a tall cold one with an old friend. Standing in my doorway with George on my shoulder. Sitting on a couch w/ them lying in my lap. Driving to Seneca for no damned reason. If it's comforting to anyone other than me, just know that other people are going through the same things. We're all a little lost about what next, but I've noticed one thing from everyone. Optimism. With all the tears I've seen shed, the crackles I've heard in voices, the random sadness, there's always a thought of "well this part will be cool." That's what I'm holding on to. I'm not even too concerned about the nervousness. It'll pass.
Saturday, April 17, 2004
17 April 2004
RAW Choice Cut: The Pixies - "Velouria"
One of those dual-sided RAWs. I've got something planned for the EAP, so a lot of random thoughts are gonna get tossed into here. Color-coded for those who like diving into my psyche. Most of ya'll have been doing it long enough, no need to explain.
"There's no greater power than the power of goodbye…" - Madonna
Sometimes I think I'm the most sentimental person around. Well, other than maybe Libby. She's a girl and can get away with tearing up. I don't think I can pull that one off. Well anyways, I was thinking about stuff. Every year (including last year when I didn't really leave) I've been the last person to leave. I like saying goodbye to everyone, even if that does mean I have to help around 8 different people carry stuff to their cars. I makes me happy. I think this year I might change up. I'm shooting to be one of the earlier people to leave town. Not because I'd finally like to actually get some help carrying MY stuff to the car - but because I want someone to be around to say goodbye to me for a change.
"But lean a little bit closer and see that roses really smell like boo-boo." - Outkast
"You're a touch overrated. You're a lush, and I hate it." - Taking Back Sunday
Another semi-old topic that never got used, coming up. Has anyone ever noticed that once you fall out of like/love with someone, it seems as if they changed. All the sudden, all the little things that you liked beforehand now just irk you to no end. Sometimes just being in their presence is enough to drive you nuts. And there's not really a reason for it. It's not that they've changed, its just that someone came by and took off the rose colored glasses. Now that you're not completely blinded, everything's suddendly a lot clearer.
"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go."
- Green Day
Biggest issue at un momento - NOT finding a career. I tend to forget this sometimes and I wind up getting myself all worked up about still not having a job. I can take some solace in the fact that no one else (minus Cecil - congrats) has found a job (misery loves company - tight job market will do that), but I'm not looking for something long term. All I wanna do is kill two years of time somewhere, then I can come back and get my MBA. As well as I plan things out (even those times I do it by accident), I'm surprised I forget this more often than not. Me and my stupid delusions of grandeur. So if anyone hears me whining, block me out. Now if in four years time, when I'll have the BS and the MBA (along w/ the WCW World Title), then listen and console me. As of now, I'll just keep waiting.
"My faith is now greater because I know that I'm the man" - Pastor Troy
Speaking of title belts. I really, really, really want one. I'm torn between the WWF World Heavyweight Title (1986-1998 Classic Eagle Version) and the World Heavyweight Title (aka - the RAW brand Championship Strap / WCW World Heavyweight Championship / NWA World Heavyweight Championship). Now I want one for two reasons: 1) I'm a big kid. Having one of those things to call my own would quite possibly rock my world to no end. Just the cool factor alone is worth the price of owning one. 2) I'm a huge wrestling fan (collective "duh" from everyone reading). Just the history and tradition behind it are enough for me. It's kinda like why huge Michael Jordan fans paid a lot for those $150 "authentic" jerseys back in the day. Doesn't mean jack shit to me, but to them its pretty damn cool. I find it odd that everyone else finds this to be one of the most retarded things I've had an urge to purchase ever. And that everyone includes my mom and excludes Miss Jen and Tyrell (who owns the WWE Undisputed Title. May be a little biased…). Guess who earned cool points and who lost them.
Number of girls we've fooled by telling them that Andre Agassi plays for the Boston Red Sox: 3
Smarter sex: Males.
"Now there's just no chance for you and me. There'll never be." - Justin Timberlake
About two and a half years ago I wrote that there is nothing worse than seeing a man settle. While this is true, I have no problem with a man giving up. But only when its for the right reasons. Like say, over a girl. There are some girls you can go out of your way to impress. To be good to. But they just don't notice. So what next? Stop. Throw in the towel. There's no point fighting a battle you know you're gonna lose and wind up using all your resources.
"Yo, I can't get mad cause you look at me. Cause on the real - look at me." - Ma$e
A few nights ago, I was talking with someone and he was telling me about how he was jealous of on of his friends. Now this struck me as odd - considering this guy isn't normally the jealous type. Anywhoo, we talked a little more, and as usual, money (or lack thereof) was the cause of this. Now while this is a good a reason as any to get upset, I can't really justify the whole jealousy part (unless pancakes are involved). Unless you're in dire need of something, there's no need to get all worked up. Maybe its because I keep 2 things in consideration.
1) There's probably a good reason things work how they do. Might be karma. Might be hard work. Might be an end justifying the means thing. Might be just flat out luck. Either way, your moment will come eventually.
2) I've never been big on keeping up with everyone else. Not my cup of tea. Takes too much effort. However, I do believe in playing the game of "he who finishes with the most, wins." Maybe that's why I've never cared much for the jealousy thing. Kinda hard to get upset over stuff at the end.
One of those dual-sided RAWs. I've got something planned for the EAP, so a lot of random thoughts are gonna get tossed into here. Color-coded for those who like diving into my psyche. Most of ya'll have been doing it long enough, no need to explain.
"There's no greater power than the power of goodbye…" - Madonna
Sometimes I think I'm the most sentimental person around. Well, other than maybe Libby. She's a girl and can get away with tearing up. I don't think I can pull that one off. Well anyways, I was thinking about stuff. Every year (including last year when I didn't really leave) I've been the last person to leave. I like saying goodbye to everyone, even if that does mean I have to help around 8 different people carry stuff to their cars. I makes me happy. I think this year I might change up. I'm shooting to be one of the earlier people to leave town. Not because I'd finally like to actually get some help carrying MY stuff to the car - but because I want someone to be around to say goodbye to me for a change.
"But lean a little bit closer and see that roses really smell like boo-boo." - Outkast
"You're a touch overrated. You're a lush, and I hate it." - Taking Back Sunday
Another semi-old topic that never got used, coming up. Has anyone ever noticed that once you fall out of like/love with someone, it seems as if they changed. All the sudden, all the little things that you liked beforehand now just irk you to no end. Sometimes just being in their presence is enough to drive you nuts. And there's not really a reason for it. It's not that they've changed, its just that someone came by and took off the rose colored glasses. Now that you're not completely blinded, everything's suddendly a lot clearer.
"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road. Time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go."
- Green Day
Biggest issue at un momento - NOT finding a career. I tend to forget this sometimes and I wind up getting myself all worked up about still not having a job. I can take some solace in the fact that no one else (minus Cecil - congrats) has found a job (misery loves company - tight job market will do that), but I'm not looking for something long term. All I wanna do is kill two years of time somewhere, then I can come back and get my MBA. As well as I plan things out (even those times I do it by accident), I'm surprised I forget this more often than not. Me and my stupid delusions of grandeur. So if anyone hears me whining, block me out. Now if in four years time, when I'll have the BS and the MBA (along w/ the WCW World Title), then listen and console me. As of now, I'll just keep waiting.
"My faith is now greater because I know that I'm the man" - Pastor Troy
Speaking of title belts. I really, really, really want one. I'm torn between the WWF World Heavyweight Title (1986-1998 Classic Eagle Version) and the World Heavyweight Title (aka - the RAW brand Championship Strap / WCW World Heavyweight Championship / NWA World Heavyweight Championship). Now I want one for two reasons: 1) I'm a big kid. Having one of those things to call my own would quite possibly rock my world to no end. Just the cool factor alone is worth the price of owning one. 2) I'm a huge wrestling fan (collective "duh" from everyone reading). Just the history and tradition behind it are enough for me. It's kinda like why huge Michael Jordan fans paid a lot for those $150 "authentic" jerseys back in the day. Doesn't mean jack shit to me, but to them its pretty damn cool. I find it odd that everyone else finds this to be one of the most retarded things I've had an urge to purchase ever. And that everyone includes my mom and excludes Miss Jen and Tyrell (who owns the WWE Undisputed Title. May be a little biased…). Guess who earned cool points and who lost them.
Number of girls we've fooled by telling them that Andre Agassi plays for the Boston Red Sox: 3
Smarter sex: Males.
"Now there's just no chance for you and me. There'll never be." - Justin Timberlake
About two and a half years ago I wrote that there is nothing worse than seeing a man settle. While this is true, I have no problem with a man giving up. But only when its for the right reasons. Like say, over a girl. There are some girls you can go out of your way to impress. To be good to. But they just don't notice. So what next? Stop. Throw in the towel. There's no point fighting a battle you know you're gonna lose and wind up using all your resources.
"Yo, I can't get mad cause you look at me. Cause on the real - look at me." - Ma$e
A few nights ago, I was talking with someone and he was telling me about how he was jealous of on of his friends. Now this struck me as odd - considering this guy isn't normally the jealous type. Anywhoo, we talked a little more, and as usual, money (or lack thereof) was the cause of this. Now while this is a good a reason as any to get upset, I can't really justify the whole jealousy part (unless pancakes are involved). Unless you're in dire need of something, there's no need to get all worked up. Maybe its because I keep 2 things in consideration.
1) There's probably a good reason things work how they do. Might be karma. Might be hard work. Might be an end justifying the means thing. Might be just flat out luck. Either way, your moment will come eventually.
2) I've never been big on keeping up with everyone else. Not my cup of tea. Takes too much effort. However, I do believe in playing the game of "he who finishes with the most, wins." Maybe that's why I've never cared much for the jealousy thing. Kinda hard to get upset over stuff at the end.
Friday, March 26, 2004
26 March 2004
RAW Choice Cut: Michael Andrews - "Mad World"
"I would have given you all of my heart. But there's someone, who's torn it apart."
- Sheryl Crow
Ya know, normally I can't stand Sheryl Crow. I don't like her music, but since this technically isn't her song, it's allowable. Anyways, I'm sure everyone has heard "The First Cut Is The Deepest." Now normally I would have passed over this one, but seeing as where I was when I first heard the song, I really didn't have much say in the matter (which just adds to the irony of the situation). Anyhow, the lyrics can really hit home. They kinda make you think back. That first [real] love, whoever she is, really does a number on you. You give everything you have, you play every ace in your hand, and constantly bring your A game. And sometimes, it's just not good enough to hold it all together. So you try move on, but you can't do it completely. For a while, you're always holding something back - your heart. Then whenever you do let go, everything seems different. You're more hesitant in your actions. Mostly because what you thought was right somehow ended up being wrong.
(T_Piddy: I try to keep you from being gay. I really do. Fails every time.)
"Closing time. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." - Semisonic
Man. These four years went by really fast. It's down to my last five weeks. While I'm really sad that everything's coming to an end, I'm halfway looking forward to it. What I've known has been great. I've done many things and met many people I would have never experienced otherwise. But at the same time, I'm ready for something new. There's complete uncertainty as far as what comes next, but I'm not too concerned. And while I really wish I had more time to do some things I never got around to, or to hang out with some really great people I've met in the past few months, it might be in my best interests to just move on. And as big as I am on memories and nostalgia and reliving the past sometimes, I'm sure everything will come around again.
"And shepherds we shall be, for Thee my Lord, for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command.
We shall flow a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In nomine Patrie,
et Fili,
et Spiritus Sancti."
The boy thinks too much, too long, and too hard. It was for his own good...
"I would have given you all of my heart. But there's someone, who's torn it apart."
- Sheryl Crow
Ya know, normally I can't stand Sheryl Crow. I don't like her music, but since this technically isn't her song, it's allowable. Anyways, I'm sure everyone has heard "The First Cut Is The Deepest." Now normally I would have passed over this one, but seeing as where I was when I first heard the song, I really didn't have much say in the matter (which just adds to the irony of the situation). Anyhow, the lyrics can really hit home. They kinda make you think back. That first [real] love, whoever she is, really does a number on you. You give everything you have, you play every ace in your hand, and constantly bring your A game. And sometimes, it's just not good enough to hold it all together. So you try move on, but you can't do it completely. For a while, you're always holding something back - your heart. Then whenever you do let go, everything seems different. You're more hesitant in your actions. Mostly because what you thought was right somehow ended up being wrong.
(T_Piddy: I try to keep you from being gay. I really do. Fails every time.)
"Closing time. You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here." - Semisonic
Man. These four years went by really fast. It's down to my last five weeks. While I'm really sad that everything's coming to an end, I'm halfway looking forward to it. What I've known has been great. I've done many things and met many people I would have never experienced otherwise. But at the same time, I'm ready for something new. There's complete uncertainty as far as what comes next, but I'm not too concerned. And while I really wish I had more time to do some things I never got around to, or to hang out with some really great people I've met in the past few months, it might be in my best interests to just move on. And as big as I am on memories and nostalgia and reliving the past sometimes, I'm sure everything will come around again.
"And shepherds we shall be, for Thee my Lord, for Thee.
Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command.
We shall flow a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In nomine Patrie,
et Fili,
et Spiritus Sancti."
The boy thinks too much, too long, and too hard. It was for his own good...
Monday, March 08, 2004
8 March 2004
RAW Choice Cut: Dance Dance Revolution DisneyMix / Para Para Paradise - "Night of Fire"
I'm in a good mood. Wanted to reflect that. I think its pretty much damn near impossible to not move when you hear this song. Or to not smile watching me attempt to dance to it on Maniac Mode. Screw you DJ Huey, MC Dewey, and Grandmaster Louie...
Well, definite change of format here. I came across this in my email. Usually I never do these things, but I figured what the hell this time. What's it gonna hurt? Instead of sending out an email, figured I'd just do it here.
Lasts…
Last Cigarette: Don't smoke. I try to keep my lungs clean.
Last Kiss: January. And I should have gotten an uppercut for that one. But she accepted my apology and she still speaks to me, so I guess its all cool.
Last Cry: No clue. It's been a while. I could use one tho, just to cleanse the soul.
Last Library Book Checked Out: Who checks out stuff from the library?
Last Movie Seen In a Theatre: Mystic River - Saturday afternoon
Last Book Read: "The Art of the Steal" - This is The Bible for all would-be crooks. Gotta love assigned readings.
Last Cuss Word Uttered: Fuck
Last Beverage Drank: Water
Last Food Consumed: Half of Schilleter
Last Phone Call: Jen
Last TV Show Watched: "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" - Might have been the only funny episode of that show ever made.
Last Time Showered: 3:30 am
Last Shoes Worn: My Adidas sneakers. I so hate those things but I haven't bought sandals yet, so I deal with them.
Last CD Played: TOP Music 13 - Gotta love the T_Piddy Productions
Last Item Bought: Pretzel at the Clemson/Carolina baseball game
Last Soda Drank: Probably a Pepsi I got from Cecil a few weeks back. Not much of a soda drinker.
Last Thing Written: RAW 10 obviously…
Last Key Used: Key to the Land Yacht - aka DA ROADMASTER
Last Sleep: This afternoon after the baseball game
Last IM: Arianna - Happy Birthday Miss Cisneros
Last Sexual Fantasy: Hmmm… That's a hard one (that was an awful pun…)
Last Ice Cream Eaten: Coffee Ice Cream Sat. Night. But I wouldn't say it was eaten considering me and Phil used it to make Mudslides.
Last Time Wanting to Die: Every Tuesday and Thursday from 12:30-1:45. I loathe Mgt 423.
Last Lipstick: Never. I like girls. I don't want to be one.
Last Time Dancing: Friday afternoon much to the dismay of the girls of 51B. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!
Last Show Attended: Angie Aparo & Ken Morton @ The 40 Watt Club in Athens, GA. GREAT show - March 4, 2004
Last Big Car Ride: Athens, GA. Considering I was leaving from Clemson, I dunno if that really counts as "Big."
Last Crush: Jen (nothing like stating the obvious is there? :-P)
Last Annoyance: None that I can remember. We all know I try not to let stuff get to me most of the time.
Last Disappointment: Not having enough money to pull off a good Valentine's Day, the proceeding weekend with my friends, the Angie Aparo show, and WWE RAW in Atlanta. Might have been quite possibly the ONLY time wrestling got put on the back burner. And considering this is WrestleMania season, that's saying something.
Last Time Scolded: Last Wednesday from Denny, Tristan, and Michele. Not a real scolding, but I guess it counts considering I was drinking before class. But hey, class is at 5:45 and it's for 3 hours. I think I deserved to have some fun beforehand.
Last Shirt Worn: Orange Clemson Housing - Move-In Day shirt. Yep, another free shit.
Last Web Site Visited: http://www.newgrounds.com & http://www.videogamesdc.com Yeah. I'm a dork. This should be news to no one.
Either/Or
Cold or Hot: Hot. I'm a southerner. Me and Cold do NOT get along. If I did, I'd probably be a Golden Gopher instead of a Tiger.
Blue or Red: Depends on my mood. Terence likes red, Piddy is partial to blue. But considering my closet has more Navy Blue than anything, I guess that's the winner by default.
Give or Receive: Depends on what's being given or what I'm receiving. Seriously.
Rose or Daisy: Well, I prefer Lilacs (might be the only guy who's actually thought about what flower he likes), but only because they're semi-blue. So I guess this question doesn't matter.
Go to a Private School or Public School: Did both. Girls are prettier in public school. That answers that one…
Chocolate milk or Plain milk: Chocolate
Celsius or Fahrenheit: Dumbest. Question. Ever.
Spring or Fall?: As much as I love Fall and Clemson Football, Spring and Clemson Baseball (mainly the girls that come with it) win that battle. Only by a slim margin tho.
Do you like someone right now from the opposite sex: Yep. (and that's not an Either/Or question…)
Do they know? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say probably so. If she actually reads this thing (doubtful), I'm gonna go with yes.
What do you look for in a guy or girl?
3 Things:
1) Patience - Cause I don't have any. Plus I can be really slow in making up my mind sometimes. But they say good things come to those who wait…
2) Good Conversational Skills - I (have the ability to) talk a lot. Doesn't mean I want to do so all the time. Hell, most of the time I won't say a word until I get to know her. So someone's gonna have to do the talking.
3) Honesty - If you don't have honesty, then what do you have?
See, and you guys thought I'm just looking for a Hispanic/Fair-Skinned White Girl. I have standards here :-P
Your Friends
Who makes you laugh/smile the most? Smile - Michele Laugh - Eric
Who do you e-mail the most? I email no one. I hardly use AIM most of the time.
Who's the loudest? In my group? More like who isn't the loudest.
Who's the shyest? Tristan or Kelli.
Whose parents do you know the best? Well considering the only people's parents I've met more than once would be Denny and Michele's, I'd say Denny and Michele.
Who has the best room? Cecil/Denny - Mainly because they keep it clean 24/7
Is most likely to grow up to be a model? Either Tonya or Danielle. They have the body and hair for it. I could see 'em doing that easily.
Which one knows most about you? Rebecca
Is most likely to become a comedian: Chad and Eric. They could have one MEAN routine together.
Who do you know most about? Rebecca
Is the smartest? Cecil. I don't know how smart he is per se (Sumter County School District 2's finest), but he's a really hard worker and he has the highest GPA out of all of us. So he gets this award.
Most likely to end up in jail? The person I should go with should be Phil. But I'm gonna go with Denny on this one. Don't know why really…don't know at all.
Others
What is your worst habit? I bite my nails when I'm bored (see MGT 423)
What really makes you mad? Unjustified personal attacks (see nWo EAP)
Scariest moment? I don't get scared. I have a little sister. Seen it all.
Happiest moment? I dunno. Nothing's jumping out at me right now.
Do you swear too much? Oh yeah. x3 if video games are involved.
What do you think about? The future. And the past. I'm a sucker for nostalgia.
Do you dress like a prep/snob/sporty? No. I go for comfortable. But considering I got teased Friday night for ironing my jeans and creasing them, I think some people might disagree. Bastards :-P
Well that was fun. Wonder what stupid stuff I'll come up with next time.
I'm in a good mood. Wanted to reflect that. I think its pretty much damn near impossible to not move when you hear this song. Or to not smile watching me attempt to dance to it on Maniac Mode. Screw you DJ Huey, MC Dewey, and Grandmaster Louie...
Well, definite change of format here. I came across this in my email. Usually I never do these things, but I figured what the hell this time. What's it gonna hurt? Instead of sending out an email, figured I'd just do it here.
Lasts…
Last Cigarette: Don't smoke. I try to keep my lungs clean.
Last Kiss: January. And I should have gotten an uppercut for that one. But she accepted my apology and she still speaks to me, so I guess its all cool.
Last Cry: No clue. It's been a while. I could use one tho, just to cleanse the soul.
Last Library Book Checked Out: Who checks out stuff from the library?
Last Movie Seen In a Theatre: Mystic River - Saturday afternoon
Last Book Read: "The Art of the Steal" - This is The Bible for all would-be crooks. Gotta love assigned readings.
Last Cuss Word Uttered: Fuck
Last Beverage Drank: Water
Last Food Consumed: Half of Schilleter
Last Phone Call: Jen
Last TV Show Watched: "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" - Might have been the only funny episode of that show ever made.
Last Time Showered: 3:30 am
Last Shoes Worn: My Adidas sneakers. I so hate those things but I haven't bought sandals yet, so I deal with them.
Last CD Played: TOP Music 13 - Gotta love the T_Piddy Productions
Last Item Bought: Pretzel at the Clemson/Carolina baseball game
Last Soda Drank: Probably a Pepsi I got from Cecil a few weeks back. Not much of a soda drinker.
Last Thing Written: RAW 10 obviously…
Last Key Used: Key to the Land Yacht - aka DA ROADMASTER
Last Sleep: This afternoon after the baseball game
Last IM: Arianna - Happy Birthday Miss Cisneros
Last Sexual Fantasy: Hmmm… That's a hard one (that was an awful pun…)
Last Ice Cream Eaten: Coffee Ice Cream Sat. Night. But I wouldn't say it was eaten considering me and Phil used it to make Mudslides.
Last Time Wanting to Die: Every Tuesday and Thursday from 12:30-1:45. I loathe Mgt 423.
Last Lipstick: Never. I like girls. I don't want to be one.
Last Time Dancing: Friday afternoon much to the dismay of the girls of 51B. VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!!
Last Show Attended: Angie Aparo & Ken Morton @ The 40 Watt Club in Athens, GA. GREAT show - March 4, 2004
Last Big Car Ride: Athens, GA. Considering I was leaving from Clemson, I dunno if that really counts as "Big."
Last Crush: Jen (nothing like stating the obvious is there? :-P)
Last Annoyance: None that I can remember. We all know I try not to let stuff get to me most of the time.
Last Disappointment: Not having enough money to pull off a good Valentine's Day, the proceeding weekend with my friends, the Angie Aparo show, and WWE RAW in Atlanta. Might have been quite possibly the ONLY time wrestling got put on the back burner. And considering this is WrestleMania season, that's saying something.
Last Time Scolded: Last Wednesday from Denny, Tristan, and Michele. Not a real scolding, but I guess it counts considering I was drinking before class. But hey, class is at 5:45 and it's for 3 hours. I think I deserved to have some fun beforehand.
Last Shirt Worn: Orange Clemson Housing - Move-In Day shirt. Yep, another free shit.
Last Web Site Visited: http://www.newgrounds.com & http://www.videogamesdc.com Yeah. I'm a dork. This should be news to no one.
Either/Or
Cold or Hot: Hot. I'm a southerner. Me and Cold do NOT get along. If I did, I'd probably be a Golden Gopher instead of a Tiger.
Blue or Red: Depends on my mood. Terence likes red, Piddy is partial to blue. But considering my closet has more Navy Blue than anything, I guess that's the winner by default.
Give or Receive: Depends on what's being given or what I'm receiving. Seriously.
Rose or Daisy: Well, I prefer Lilacs (might be the only guy who's actually thought about what flower he likes), but only because they're semi-blue. So I guess this question doesn't matter.
Go to a Private School or Public School: Did both. Girls are prettier in public school. That answers that one…
Chocolate milk or Plain milk: Chocolate
Celsius or Fahrenheit: Dumbest. Question. Ever.
Spring or Fall?: As much as I love Fall and Clemson Football, Spring and Clemson Baseball (mainly the girls that come with it) win that battle. Only by a slim margin tho.
Do you like someone right now from the opposite sex: Yep. (and that's not an Either/Or question…)
Do they know? I'm gonna go out on a limb and say probably so. If she actually reads this thing (doubtful), I'm gonna go with yes.
What do you look for in a guy or girl?
3 Things:
1) Patience - Cause I don't have any. Plus I can be really slow in making up my mind sometimes. But they say good things come to those who wait…
2) Good Conversational Skills - I (have the ability to) talk a lot. Doesn't mean I want to do so all the time. Hell, most of the time I won't say a word until I get to know her. So someone's gonna have to do the talking.
3) Honesty - If you don't have honesty, then what do you have?
See, and you guys thought I'm just looking for a Hispanic/Fair-Skinned White Girl. I have standards here :-P
Your Friends
Who makes you laugh/smile the most? Smile - Michele Laugh - Eric
Who do you e-mail the most? I email no one. I hardly use AIM most of the time.
Who's the loudest? In my group? More like who isn't the loudest.
Who's the shyest? Tristan or Kelli.
Whose parents do you know the best? Well considering the only people's parents I've met more than once would be Denny and Michele's, I'd say Denny and Michele.
Who has the best room? Cecil/Denny - Mainly because they keep it clean 24/7
Is most likely to grow up to be a model? Either Tonya or Danielle. They have the body and hair for it. I could see 'em doing that easily.
Which one knows most about you? Rebecca
Is most likely to become a comedian: Chad and Eric. They could have one MEAN routine together.
Who do you know most about? Rebecca
Is the smartest? Cecil. I don't know how smart he is per se (Sumter County School District 2's finest), but he's a really hard worker and he has the highest GPA out of all of us. So he gets this award.
Most likely to end up in jail? The person I should go with should be Phil. But I'm gonna go with Denny on this one. Don't know why really…don't know at all.
Others
What is your worst habit? I bite my nails when I'm bored (see MGT 423)
What really makes you mad? Unjustified personal attacks (see nWo EAP)
Scariest moment? I don't get scared. I have a little sister. Seen it all.
Happiest moment? I dunno. Nothing's jumping out at me right now.
Do you swear too much? Oh yeah. x3 if video games are involved.
What do you think about? The future. And the past. I'm a sucker for nostalgia.
Do you dress like a prep/snob/sporty? No. I go for comfortable. But considering I got teased Friday night for ironing my jeans and creasing them, I think some people might disagree. Bastards :-P
Well that was fun. Wonder what stupid stuff I'll come up with next time.
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