5 August 2005

RAW Choice Cut: Straylight Run - "It's For The Best"

And now faith is replaced with a logic so cold
I've disregarded what I was,
Now that I'm older,
And I know much more than I did back then,
But the more I learn,
The more I can't understand,
And I've become content with this life that I lead,
Where I drink to much and don't believe in much of anything,
And I lie to myself,
And say it's for the best

"Don't give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about." - Unknown
I miss Michele. Terribly much. While there are the obvious reasons as to why - I really miss her being. If that makes sense. It seems as if she's the only one of my friends who I realize they're really far away. Cecil, Kel Kel, and Cassie are always online, Tristan and I keep up through phone calls / txt messages, Denny calls drunk, Phil's up at 4am, and Mike calls me at 2:30 in the morning for help on how to set up a wireless router. I don't know where I really want to go with this paragraph anymore. I think I had it summed up in the first five words. The rest, while truthful, was pretty much filler.

"I have become comfortably numb..." - Pink Floyd
It's really odd that a lot of my friends are defined by their jobs now. I can't talk much, because I think over the past year I was in that same group. Damn I whined a lot. Anyhoo its odd, because that's all we talk about a lot of the time. And we don't seem to mind or notice. While that's fine, it's just weird.

"All in all, you're just another dick with no balls." - Bloodhound Gang
I really love it when I find out that other people think that someone else sucks too. It makes me feel good to think that "no, I'm not being mean - that person is wasting valuable air." It almost amuses me that I'm not the only one who wants to punch people in the face sometimes too. While a good uppercut won't knock the sketchiness out of someone, it'll sure as hell make me feel better.

"Don't worry even if things end up a bit too heavy, we'll all float on." - Modest Mouse
I'm really nervous about starting this new job with AXA. And I don't know if its so much being nervous, as it is being flat-out scared. I have to pass three tests. By word of mouth I heard they range anywhere from really easy to excruciatingly hard. Well that's nice to know. Then I've got a pre-contractual phase. This can last anywhere from a day or two to up to two months. Well at least I get paid during all this. Then there's loads of training to do after I get under contract. There are times when I just want to pull up CareerNet or something and just start over. But that would be taking the easy way out. I'll ride it out and see what happens. I just keep telling myself, "Being scared is a good thing. That means you're expanding yourself." Here's to hoping I'm right.

"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star, if I could just get out of this place." - Billy Joel
Now that I'm back in Sumter during daylight hours, I've run into a lot of people from my past. It's interesting to see a lot of these people. A lot of them decided to just settle down here and stay in Sumter. Most without higher education - by choice. Me, I'm about to go insane here. I question myself as to why they decided to stay here when there's so much of the world to just see, let alone live. But then, I step back and think, "If they're happy here, who am I to question them?"

"Best friends means you get what you deserve" - Taking Back Sunday
Some people you just can't be compatible with. You find out you can't be lovers. You find out that being friends doesn't work so hot either. There's no need to try to walk that fine line in between. When that happens one person is exerting more than their fair share of energy. Relationships work when people meet halfway, whether its friendship, romantically, or whatever. I say that sometimes it's best just to stop trying. Or maybe I'm just saying this because you're right, I don't want to meet you in the middle.