15 November 2005

RAW Choice Cut: Brand New - "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows"

"You're beautiful. But its time to face the truth. I will never be with you." - James Blunt
Life's funny. Something that would have eaten me up inside a year ago almost brings a great sense of comfort now. It makes me genuinely happy to know when people are getting along smashingly well and that life is being good to them.

"Youth is like diamonds in the sun. And diamonds are forever." - Alphaville
I think I'm coming to terms with growing up. Willingly. There are a lot of things I don't enjoy doing anymore. Then at the same time, there are new things that I enjoy doing now voluntarily. And unlike before, I don't think I want to fight against it. It's almost as if I'm embracing a type of death. I kinda want to find out what's on the other side. What I've heard and experienced already hasn't been the best of times, but I don't think I was mentally prepared at the time. This go-round should be different.

"I need time. Love. Joy. I need space. Love. I. Need. Me." - Britney Spears
Back in September, or whenever it was I last updated this thing, I wanted to write about girls. Not about how great or awful they are, just how I really don't want one. It came out really homosexual, plus something else came up, so I scrapped that idea and went with whatever was posted there. This time, I'm just going to type whatever comes naturally, no matter how gay it sounds.

Right now, I really want very little to do with the female side of the species. At least as far as dating goes. And sometimes I think I'm broken, because I think I'm the only one seeing it the way I'm seeing it. Between Tyrell (aka Big Game James) coercing me to get back into the dating/random play scene (seeing as how I was harshly removed during my CCF tenure) and people asking, "Who am I seeing?" or "Is there a new lady?" I feel like I should be out there making an effort, but I just really don't want to. At least not right now. I've got a lot of soul-searching (I guess you can call it that) to do, and a lot of things I want to accomplish relatively soon, and I'm not sure how/if I could do either of those while trying to effectively split time with someone else/looking for someone. I'm lazy. I only have so much energy to focus in one direction.

Now I'm sure there's an exception to my idea of the moment out there - someone who'd actually get me to expend energy without making a big fuss about it. Actually, I'm pretty certain. But that's neither here nor there, seeing as how fate would have to lend a hand in getting that wheel turning. But for now, I'll just watch the dating pool from the deck.

"There must be an angel, with a smile on her face..." - James Blunt
And completely looking the opposite direction of my preceding paragraphs, a few weeks back I saw a pair of the prettiest eyes I've seen in a long time. They were just so calm and soft. Just, I don't know, peaceful to look at.

"You need to loosen up and live a little. And if you got kids let 'em know how you feel and for your own sake give a lil."
- 40 Thievez
Last year I donated to the Child's Play charity. Outside of helping my employees learn some necessary English words and mannerisms, it might have been the most personally fulfilling thing I did all year. I chose to donate to the Texas Children's Hospital. I didn't go big, because I wanted to try to help as many little ones as I could. I purchased a few educational DVDs, board games, coloring books, etc. and it made me feel really good. It made me feel even better when I got the cards from the parents of the children I helped. This year, I think I'll try to double my efforts. And the hospital of choice this year - Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. Sure, they didn't the bowl game berth I wanted them to get, but it can still be a good holiday season for someone in that area. So if you've got a little extra to give this year, give. Even if you don't have extra, still give some. You probably have more than you need and don't even know it.

"Destiny is calling me. Open up my eager eyes. Cause I'm Mr. Brightside." - The Killers
So about the job thing. Yeah, I switched from AXA to Progressive. Am I upset? No. The whole thing was a learning experience. I lost some money and some valuable time, but I learned a lot about myself. Most importantly, no matter how much I want (or think I want) to change my entire personality, it ain't happening unless there's a great reason to do so. I'm not wired for sales. I figured this much before I even tried the AXA thing (hell, before graduation even), but I wanted to at least give it a good run to be certain. After the first two appointments, I knew that Financial Advising wasn't for me. Well, actually, I liked the advising part. I just didn't like the sales part that went along with it. Coincidentally, this realization overlapped with me taking the Series 66. After I lost any and all desire for the position (and you can almost tell when this happens if you look through my old blog posts), I just didn't care. I took the 66 still, but only because I had already paid for it. I knew that test was a lost cause before I even got there. Actually, I think that in my away message that day, I was more concerned w/ driving to Atlanta than passing that test. Considering that NASD requirements state that you have to wait a month before you can retake a test, I knew this would buy me enough time to look around w/o raising any suspicions as to why I wasn't soliciting any clients. Without the 66 certification, I couldn't.

Now unlike CCF, I don't hold any ill will or bad feelings against AXA. They're a good company with good people. It's just that the position they had wasn't for me. No biggie. That's life.

Now about this whole working in Florence thing, I haven't decided whether to be upset or excited about it. Eastern South Carolina is the one part of the state I know very little about. I love the upstate, tolerate the midlands, and loathe the low country. Everything east of Sumter to the beach has always just "been there." I do know Florence is bigger than Sumter and they hold WWE events. So that's a plus. But it ain't Greenville. And while I was really looking forward to ending up there soon, that's no longer a concern of mine. Things happen for a reason, and why I don't know the reason I wound up in Florence (especially when they mentioned in the interview that the Greenville area was the only part of the state w/ a high turnover rate), I'm sure I'll find out soon enough. Maybe Francis Marion has a great MBA program I don't know about. Who knows?

"The devil grows inside the hearts of the selfish and wicked;
white, brown, yellow, and black colored is not restricted.
You have a self-destructive destiny when you're inflicted
and you'll be one of God's children that fell from the top.
There's no diversity because we're burning in the melting pot.
So when the devil wants to dance with you, you better say never,
because the dance with the devil might last you forever."
- Immortal Technique
Sometimes I wonder how and why people respond the way they do when their prayers are answered.