12 July 2006

RAW Choice Cut: Brand New - "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows"
Yes, I know the TerenceTron is a BlogMix staple, but I wanted it here as well for this post.

"It's that sort of thing that makes you think too much. It's that sort of thing that makes you lose your objectivity...It was bound to happen, so just keep moving on. There's no perfect endings."
- Straylight Run
Sometimes I look at life now and I have to stop. It's almost the cruelest case of deja vu you could wish on anyone. Its almost as if someone went back six years in my life and decided to replay everything. The cast of characters may have changed, but the story is still the same. Hopefully no one bothered to rewrite the ending. It wasn't the best of endings, but I'm still here.

"And crying out to the sky because he was lonely and scared, but only the devil responded because God wasn't there. And right then he knew what it was to be empty and cold, and so he jumped off the roof and died with no soul."
- Immortal Technique
I think I've discovered my issue with religion. In a few of my last few columns, I think its become fairly obvious that I've become disenchanted with organized religion. Not in a "bad" way to where I'm atheist/agnostic -- its just that I've taken off the rose colored glasses. I don't go to church like I should. I haven't been the best person I should have been. I do still carry my Rosary around, but to say it gets much use would be an understatement. But with that being said, in dire times the first thing I do is pray. Often and hard. Sometimes aloud. And why? If I were a higher being, why would I listen to someone's cries who pays little to no attention to me? I don't know, but at the same time, I'm glad I'm not a higher being. Sometimes when its honest and earnest enough, a good prayer does get answered. And when it doesn't, its usually for a reason. A reason that becomes clear with time...

"There's no room left here on my back. It was damaged long ago. Though you swear you are true, I'd still pick my friends over you."
- New Found Glory
There's sometimes in life you look at your friends and go, "I made some good choices here." I've got an awesome gambit of friends. Friends who come pick me up at 3:22am when I'm drunk off my ass. Friends who slap me upside the back of the head when I do something stupid. And friends who listen when I've got mountains of emotions and feelings in front of me that I don't know how to get around. For that I'm thankful. Now I just need to work on being a better friend to them sometimes, but as we all know I've never been one for lots of people. I need to be. I've got lots of people who are for me.

"It's much better to face these kind of things with a sense a poise and rationality."
- Panic! at the Disco
The real world may not be anywhere near as fun as college, but you definitely get your fair share of curveballs. Some scenarios play out that you have absolutely no control over. Be it work, social, personal -- all you can do is watch and wait. Well, while you're waiting attempt to smile through it. No need to be all "frowny" while sitting on the sidelines.

"Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you do with with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds still don't."
- Baz Luhrmann
I have no clue what I want to do with my life. None whatsoever. I have ideas of what I wouldn't mind doing. I have goals that I want to accomplish before I'm 47, but no clue what road I'll be taking to get there. And in a little way, this bothers me. At the same time, it doesn't. I've always been one to live in "stages." Once I get to a stage, I survey my surroundings, acquaint myself with the customs and mannerisms, and do my best to succeed. Only problem is, at this point in life there's not much to do. This "stage" has no defined beginning or ending. It's purgatory. My entire purpose ever since I received my diploma has been to "kill time" before going back to school. Nothing more, nothing less. Any success would have been brushed off as luck and any failures would have been written off as a learning experience. And in the 2 yrs time, I've had my share of both... I'm quite ready to move on.

"Stop. With your feet in the air and your head on ground. Try this trick and spin it. Your head will collapse, but there's nothing in it. And you'll ask yourself...where is my mind?"
- The Pixies
I can manage to control and flesh out three alter-egos, come up with all sorts of crazy stories and situations, but the one time I need to shut my mind down I can't. My head collapsing in on itself right now is quite possible.

"I'm mean this. I'm okay! Trust me."
- My Chemical Romance
As I go back and re-read over my previous RAW column, two things spring to mind.
1) Every wish that's granted isn't always a good thing
2) Follow your own advice.