22 November 2006

Sure, I boxed up the RAW column a few months ago, but I still need some space every now and then to be a little emo/overlythoughtful/emotional. This is one of those spaces.

"There was nothing in the world that I ever wanted more..."
- The Cure
So I'm talking with a friend of mine, one who should be quite obvious to those who know me (when else do I use "Pictures of You" for anything?), and we're catching up a bit. Our normal 2 month conversation if you will. Anyways, we're talking and she mentions that she's terribly lonely where she's at now. All her friends have either moved away or are part of serious relationships now and that she's almost contemplating moving back down south. Part of me is giddy at just the thought of that while another part of me is looking for a steel chair to beat some sense into the other part.

"Don't say that later will be better. Now your stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it."
- U2
Slowly, little by little, I'm started to get excited about school. Notsomuch about school itself, but the impending change that'll bring. While I may have mentioned that I was stuck in a routine, it really was more of rut. Now I can see a little clearing for change. It should be fun with lots of interesting people, things, and events. And best of all, I get to move out. I love the folks, but 2.5 years was WAY too long to be here. Thankfully, the first year and some change was spent working at night so I wasn't really around anyways.

"You sit there in your heartache waiting on some beautiful boy to save you from your old ways."
- The Killers
The double take. Sometimes its a trap. Sometimes its a moment of rationalization. Either way going back and revisiting something you abruptly brushed off a first time is good for the mind. It helps you sleep easier knowing that you gave something a fair shake instead of stacking it up to past events. Sometimes you were right in your first assessment and you walk away leaving things as they were before. Other times you miss something you overlooked the first time. Might be something small, might be something glaringly obvious. Either way it does cause you to re-evaluate everything.

"Words are very unnecessary. They can only do harm."
- Depeche Mode
I enjoy the silence sometimes. No one says you have to be feeling something at all times. No one says you have to speak. A comfortable silence is quite refreshing.

"Smile like you mean it."
- The Killers
A smile. So simple, so telling. An pure one says more than any amount of fake words ever could.

"...I would miss all the places and people I love, so although I may go, I'll be coming home soon."
- Ernie
Going back to the topic of family, its amazing how much you undervalue them sometime. Sure you may fight with them occassionally (or all the time in some cases), but generally speaking they'll be the one group of people you can always count to be around.

"I'm choosing my confessions."
- R.E.M.
I wrote somewhere, whether it was an away message or a BlogMix/Cinco/Souled Out/RAW post about making space in life. I wasn't sure what I was making space for, but it just seemed like a good idea at the time. I'm still not completely sure why I decided that, but looking down the road 4-6 months I can see a lot of things lining themselves out.

Break Out The Party Hats

Well everything's official now. Not that it wasn't before, but its good to have all this stuff in writing. Just a few observations/notes from reading through all this paperwork...

• Seeing as how all this stuff has a postmark date of November 16, 2005, they could have saved $1.26 in postage by just handing me all of this in person as I was up there on the 16th anyways.
• The envelope that says CONGRATULATIONS on it definitely takes away some of the surprise. And what happens if I wasn't accepted? Just kick me while I'm down why don'tcha?
• Surprisingly my student ID number remained the same. However, my email address did not. My first four years at Clemson blessed me with pterenc@clemson.edu. Lovely. Now for the return trip, I get terencp@clemson.edu. Better, but would it have been that much trouble to give me the last E in my name? Or even better yet, how about the email address I had while I was an Ambassador -- tpolk@clemson.edu -- the one I never used.
  
• I tested/coursed out of the first 11 hours of the program. Highly beneficial in that it saves me a ton of money. Notso beneficial in that I'm pretty sure I've forgotten whatever it is I tested/coursed out of in the past two and a half years.
• And the most important piece of information -- classes start January 8. That gives me about 6 weeks to find employment or housing. I just need one or the other at the moment. I think I can wing it for a little bit until I get all of my ducks in a row...

As a bonus to all of my readers, which might be 6 people, you guys should feel special. Mom definitely didn't even know I had applied to grad school let alone got accepted until sometime late Sunday night. Apparently I forgot to tell her a week ago. Whoops.

The Answer Brings More Questions

Terence,
We got the second recommendation from Amanda Rials - thank you! I processed your application this afternoon and recommended an acceptance to the Graduate School. You should receive your official letter of acceptance in a week or so. Thanks for your help.
- Martha.

Two and a half years. It's been a while coming. The rest of life will sort itself accordingly.

Routine: Pessimism - Part II of II

"With all this happening, I can truthfully say I don't want to go anywhere. And why should I? I'm making good money, great hours, and an awesome work environment. Life is good. But that's where the issues comes in...

Do I lay back on what I want? Trading in the lovely upstate region of SC for the Pee Dee was not what I had planned...
Do I postpone grad school? Do I not go at all?
Do I quit? Do I stay? Do I hope and pray that a position opens up in Greenville and that my manager is gracious enough to release me?

I don't know. No clue at all."
- Souled Out, October 18, 2006

This is where it stops being fun. I'm at the point where I've already made my decisions. And they're the same decisions I've made before. No change in plans - Clemson MBA, living in the Upstate SC area. I think where the nervousness comes in is the change that comes with it.

I like my job and my paycheck (which allows me to pay for my car and do whatever else I please). Its just the uncertainty that comes w/ not having either of those (maybe) that bothers me.

It'll pass.